How do you live without fear?

[ShiteHappens]

I have come a long way in the last 6 months in trying to work out why I have had such a shit life (all my own making and all in my mind I might add). I have never really been truly happy with my lot in life even though I should have been. I have made stupid decisions which have affected us all because I thought it would make me happy and fucked up big time in some things which are affecting us now financially very badly.

I have been diagnosed with OCD and am doing CBT which is not much help because she keeps going over my childhood which was miserable but I know all that.

It does not seem to be helping with my negative thoughts though and I realise now that I have a lot of fears about everything from crashing the car, someone breaking into the house, DCs getting ill, DH dying and leaving me alone, can't go on theme park rides anymore, can't watch films with blood in them, scared of heights now when I never used to be, right down to worried about tripping over in Tesco (i.e a public place) and people laughing at me or farting accidently when I bend over (which I did today but thankfully no one else in the aisle!!). So basically I am afraid of everything and very over-sensitised and I do believe this is what I need to change before I change anything else.

Anyone else feel like this or anyone conquered it??

Just an observation. You say you had a miserable childhood and then go on to say all your problems are of your own making. You also seem to have brushed off the fact that your childhood may have anything to do with where you are now.

Like it or not, our childhood shapes us (tell me about it ).

I think that before you can move on you need to find out why you respond like this and why you are so afraid.

My hunch is that you are taking responsibility for things that are not yours to feel responsible for and that this now gives you the need to be in control at all times which in turn makes you fear being out of control (you still there ). Speaking from experience although my fears and worries express themselves differently.

willsurvivethis - yep definitely true about being in control. My OCD goes into overdrive when I am in situations I can't control. I have controlled the family finances and made all the decisions for us for all the 16 years DH and I have been together which is why we are in the mess we are in now!! DH accepts he has left everything to me and thankfully we have moved on and are trying to make the best of things in the here and now without constantly harking back to the past and the mistakes we have made.

I even feel responsible for my mother (who made my life hell in my teens) even though I am 1 of 8 children who are all better placed to support her more than me.

I know I am a product of my childhood but want ideas on how to break free from it. There must be some way to break the cycle (I have found out recently my mother has very similar issues to mine and was on valium for most of my childhood) as I have a daughter and although our relationship is nothing like mine was with my mother, I still think I am projecting my fears onto her.

I know exactly why I am like this, I just don't know where to start to change it. The CBT is just not getting me very far.

If you're not finding the CBT helpful (and have given it a fair chance), why not see if you can get a different form of therapy? Although CBT is very much 'in' at the moment, it's not for everyone and it's not the only thing out there. There are NICE guidelines about what treatment should be offered, I'm not up on the guidelines for OCD but I know that for depression, CBT should be given first but if it is refused or doesn't help other forms of therapy should be offered and these are listed. Maybe have a look at the NICE website and read up on what is recommended, then ask your GP for a referral?

I notice you say your CBT therapist goes into your childhood a lot - I'm no CBT expert but I think that would be unusual as they generally stick to the here-and-now stuff. Is this definitely a CBT therapist and/or are they not a very good one?!