Going through life feeling ashamed about most everything

[bidibidi]

I am terrible for letting minor mistakes get to me -- stuff where I feel I should have known better. And as for major blunders...

I have a mortal fear of embarrassment. But often it's really trivial stuff or things that I ought to better be able to just let it go (I know that rationally, but emotionally I'm not so sensible). I end up being upset almost subconsicously all day and fretting in bed at night over things that I know I shouldn't be so bothered by.

Does anyone know what I'm talking about and (short of counselling) have you any mantras or other philosophies and strategies to help you not fret over your own mistakes?

Sounds like counselling is something you might consider.
you know that you are able to let things go but you sabatage yourself by throwing in the -must,should angle on things.

grown ups in your life did a fine job showing you right from wrong and giving you standards, unfortunately you are beating yourself with these standards. maybe cbt counselling might help. Someone here was talking about feeling good handbook on Amazon which i havent read but have ordered.good luck.

Yes I know what you are talking about.

With me it's a perfectionism/fear of failure thing.

I have several self hypnosis downloads from here which I listen to on my mp3 player.

A book I would recommend is Feal the Fear and do it Anyway.

A mantra I use is "Progress not Perfectionism" and I try to challenge myself to see if I am not doing something because I think I can't do it perfectly.

With me it's not fear of failure at all, but rather fear of being laughed at, people gossiping about me, people saying nasty things to my face, people telling me off because they don't approve or like it! I was bullied a lot when younger.

I can't do any performance type jobs (like teaching) because I can't handle the anxiety that I'll do something wrong and annoy the 'audience'.

So it doesn't sound like the existing materials you ladies mention would be right at all, sadly .

I know just what you mean.

One of my major anxieties when I had DD was what other people were thinking of me. I had a fear of going out, not so much because of fears about dangerous things, more about other people's disapproval if she cried and my embarrassment if I wasn't able to comfort her.

I am also terrible like this with other things such as - driving. I hate driving. And I have realised it's not so much the driving - it's the other people. Fear of someone beeping at me, or getting road rage at me, or tailgaiting me or the WORST fear of me making a mistake and hitting someone else and all the wrath that would ensue.

It's difficult to know what to advise because it can become so engrained. However, central to CBT is recognising "thought errors" and identifying where and why they are irrational fears. CBT could be helpful to you. Why don't you try some risk-free online CBT e.g. Mood Gym

I know what you mean. Im currently beating myself up about today, after picking DD up from nursery i asked her to press the green button which opens the main gate because i had DD2 in my arms. She quite rightly replied "no mummy its only for adults, children mustn't touch" absolutely right, im so bloody stupid at times. Trying so hard not to worry about the other parents thinking what a crap mother i must be!
Getdown, exactly like me. I think my fear of going out is all down to worrying about peoples dissaproval if my children cry and embarassment if i cant comfort them....

OP i checked out moodgym and it is fab, im currently working through it so i the only thing i can suggest is to try that. Good luck with it.

What you're describing sounds like social anxiety. There are some good books out there on this subject that would help you a lot.

Counselling is good for it. And you can take anti-depressants specifically for social anxiety too.

SA often stems from being bullied.