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Mental health

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Original poster

I don't know what to do

13 replies

fruitshootsandheaves · 21/04/2010 13:34

I haven't posted about this for a few days after I got really upset on my other thread

My dad went into a care home on Monday for 2 weeks respite. Today they phoned to say they can't cope with him. He is upsetting the other residents with sexual comments and going into their rooms and just isnt settling and is aggressive.

there is no where for him to go. If he goes home he is on his own with no carers. I have benn cleaning his house so it is in more of a muddle than usual.
SS suggested that DH should move in with him.

It is a diaster. I am sobbing. I am useless. What have I done wrong. I have phoned other homes but he needs help immediately and there doesn't seem to be anyone to help.

I don't know why I am posting. I have failed BIG TIME

OP posts:

ByThePowerOfGreyskull · 21/04/2010 13:39

fruitshoots, I live quite close by to you, if there is anyting I can do (even if it is a pair of rubber gloves to help you clean up his house) PLEASEshout..

You have NOT failed at all,

uggmum · 21/04/2010 13:39

You have not failed, you are not useless. This is a difficult situation and you need support.
I would try Help the aged for advice and your local social services.
A good home will be used to dealing with this type of behavior, sometimes it can take time to find the right care facility.

MitsubishiWarrioress · 21/04/2010 13:42

No help but I am so sorry and not quite sure what they think suggesting your DH moving in with him will do to help apart from separate the two of you, or am I missing the point?

You haven't done anything wrong...

Original poster

fruitshootsandheaves · 21/04/2010 13:42

They want me to go and get him....what do I do with him then?
There is nowhere to put him here and he will wander off if he is not locked in.
This is just a complete nightmare.

OP posts:

Original poster

fruitshootsandheaves · 21/04/2010 13:43

He has Alzheimers BTW and far from us thinking it was early onset the home think it is a lot more than that.

OP posts:

Original poster

fruitshootsandheaves · 21/04/2010 14:09

I thought I had found the right care home. We looked at several.

OP posts:

girlscout · 21/04/2010 14:12

Contact his doctor and explain you are getting grief from the home,explain that dad has not taken well to the move and that you need help.
Explain that you do not have a place for him,can the doctor help (i'm thinking increasing meds ).Is this a care home with experience of dementia care,or "just"residential?
Does he have a psych nurse or a consultant?can you get them involved?
my relative (vascular dementia) went into temp meltdown a while back. Excellent care home were all over it, and got doctor involved.Hope this helps

Original poster

fruitshootsandheaves · 21/04/2010 14:27

Thankyou for all your replies. Going to the care home now. Another Care home manager meeting us there to assess him for different home.

OP posts:

MitsubishiWarrioress · 21/04/2010 19:56

How did it go fruitshoots?

Original poster

fruitshootsandheaves · 21/04/2010 22:30

We are back. Finally
Have been out all day and the children were home alone for 6 hours! what would SS say about that then! bunch of useless twats.

The Manager of the other home was fabulous. He was really cross with the original home and said that they obviously hadn't carried out a proper assessment before admission and he was really quite shocked that they wanted him out immediately without worrying where he was going.

He was really efficient and dad is now safely 'rehomed' in a more secure unit. If he tried to get out or becomes aggressive again he will go to hospital for assessment but would return to the same home. Although the home isn't as modern or as impressive as far as I'm concerned we have been badly let down by the first home and this one has been nothing but a lifesaver and all the staff have been fantastic.
On the downside he is now much further away from us and we will probably only be able to visit once a week because of fuel cost. Not that he recognised me today anyway

Thankyou for the advice and support.

OP posts:

MitsubishiWarrioress · 22/04/2010 02:34

I am glad and sorry for you.... I hope it works out at this home and that in his own world your Dad is safe and settled.

Original poster

fruitshootsandheaves · 22/04/2010 20:40

All quiet today. We phoned this morning and he had been fine, had slept well and eaten well. He was chatting to another resident although neither of them knew what they were saying!
The new Care Home sounded like they couldn't understand why his original home had made such a big fuss but then they have only had him a day things could change...I hope not.

OP posts:

girlscout · 23/04/2010 08:51

Really pleased that things have settled down and your dads anxirty has ended,uts a horrible thing when it goes pear shaped and you feel at fault. You did your best and ended up "fire fighting"the problem ,you did a great job,well done.

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