Hope you don't mind me joining your thread. I have had a problem with alcohol for about 7 years. I never used to really drink, then my husband left, and I started to have one at night when the children were in bed. Over the years, this slowly escalated and ended up with me going for counselling last summer - a 12 week 1-2-1 course - lovely lady, found it fantastic, but was still in denial and not totally honest.
This may be a bit long but it is the ending that is the turning point.
Last week I went to Thorpe Park, had an awful experience on the Saw Maze Live ride and had a panic attack (wrote about this on 'days out'. Felt shaky all over the weekend, and went into work on Monday. My colleague asked how Thorpe Park was and I was still so shaken - I was so petrified on the day I had to be escorted out of the maze, collapsed on the floor, wet myself with fear - I cannot describe how scared I felt.
On Monday I had a panic attack, went to the local pharmacy with my colleague, collapsed in the pharmacy, ambulance called, etc. Was escorted home by my work colleague (paramedics decided I did not go to hospital as I was physically ill although my blood pressure when first tested was 169/159 (very, very high). They wrote on my discharge notes from the ambulance that it was an anxiety/panic attack.
I made an appointment at my doctor's on Tuesday. While there, I mentioned the horrific experience on Thursday but also mentioned other things that have been going on in my life - kicked out my boyfriend last summer after he fleeced me for £15K and my mum for £10K, met a new man who was not who I thought he was (not working, on a 'tag' (for domestic violence), does lots of cocaine, etc.). It seemed I had gone from one bad boyfriend to another (although there was a big break in between).
Had a new kitchen fitted (chaos in the house), discovered leak in shower (shower now dismantled), outside in the process of being painted, new windows being fitted and new bathroom being sorted. I also work full time with 3 children.
My doctor said that the horrific experience was the straw that broke the camel's back and I needed to take a break from life - all the stresses and strains of every day living.
I could see on the doctor's screen (at the top) that my over-riding factor was a 'problem with alcohol'. He then asked how that was going after having gone for the therapy last summer.
I was totally honest and said that I drink every day, and it seems that I start earlier every day. This has probably been going on for over 1 year The days I work I go to the pub at lunch time and have 2 doubles and then have more when I get home from work after the children are in bed. I can do either a 1/4 or 1/2 bottle (depends on what size bottle I buy) and then go to bed afterwards. It has never affected me getting up for work but I have had a few bad evenings out with friends (after being p*ssed before I even went out), embarrassing myself and my friends - not good!!
Because of all what I told my doctor (I also mentioned I had not slept much since the Thorpe Park experience) he asked what I wanted him to do. I said that the pharmacy (which I went back into after leaving the ambulance) gave me some Kalms to take during the day and some Nytol to take at night. The night I took Nytol (Monday, before I went to the doctors on Tuesday) was my worst night's sleep ever.
The doctor prescribed me Diazepam (never been on any medication before) and one of the things that you cannot do is drink alcohol. I had my last drink Tuesday night and started the tablets Wednesday morning. I take 2 mg in the morning, 2 mg at lunch time and 2x2 mg at night. I can take up to 2x2 mg each time but thought I would start off slow and see how I get on. I am feeling so much better in myself and in control and for the first time in over a year have not had a touch of alcohol for 2 days (which for me has not happened for a long time).
On Wednesday, at work, I went for a nice long walk at lunch-time (although my colleagues went to the pub). I know I could have gone to the pub and had a soft drink but didn't want to put myself in that situation and want to break this habit of lunch time drinking. Yesterday I sat by the river with a sandwich and a coffe - it was lovely sitting in the sunshine.
I work at home on Fridays and can normally start drinking at lunch time. NOT TODAY. I am going out for a meal tonight (will drink soft drinks) and then I have the weekend to get through when the children are with their father.
I think the one thing that is helping me is that diazepam can also help with alcohol withdrawal (the pharmacy gave me a leaflet explaing what diazepam is and how it works). I sometimes still feel a bit shaky (probably alcohol withdrawal rather than panic attack) but I know that I cannot drink on these tablets and would rather take the tablets and not drink, than not take the tablets.
I have to go back to the doctors in 2 weeks. The maximum time that most people are on diazepam is 2-4 weeks (they are only for short term) but I like to think if I can do 4 weeks without alcohol, I have broken the habit and the dependency.
I am not saying that diazepam is for everyone but, for me, it definitely seems to be working. They are also used for anxiety (which I was diagnosed with), OCD, etc.
I do seem to have a bit of an additive personality (which is why I can never touch illegal drugs). When I have dieted in the past, I have dieted to the extreme (although never anorexic or bulimic, just live on cooked vegetables).
With me, it seems that when I eventually get the mind set to do something, nothing will break my will. I stopped smoking for 9 years (with no problem at all) but, unfortunately, after my husband left, I started again (why, I do not know) and here I am, 8 years later, still smoking. That will be my next mission, but one thing at a time.
SORRY TO HAVE HIGH-JACKED YOUR THREAD. I should only have mentioned the diazepam and how it is working for me