Do i have to keep on fighting?

[MerlinsBeard]

I know people are getting weary of the same posters posting the same things so will keep this short and none self indulgent.

So is it so bad to just give in anbd follow the rollercoaster down? back to a place that is familiar and safe? (and easier!)

I always find this a safe place to post whatever you are feeling, regardless if you have "posted before" - I don't think anyone would be weary of it.

I stay off AIBU now because people there are very rude. But here you can be yourself and say just what you are feeling.

Sorry you are feeling like you are spiralling downwards.

What is "familiar and safe" to you? Do you mean depression?

oh screw those people MOM.

It's not so bad I suppose......but it's harder to get back up again once you're down the bottom.

I hit the bottom earlier this week, was lying prostrate on the floor (not literally there was no space on the floor ) now I am at least standing up again........but it's a hell of a long slog back up again from here.

Wat if i don't want to get back up again? I know "the bottom", i know what to do there

what*

sorry

I think it is unlikely that you like feeling at rock bottom.

It is part of the illness that robs you of all self confidence
motivation
love of life

So it feels easier to stay where you are than to get better. But getting better is better.

What kind of support have you got, are you under CMHT?

No not under CMHT. Not even under GP for depression. It made me feel worse to have to explain why the ADs weren't working so i just stopped taking them.

Was on a list for CBT and ED counselling. Not sure where i am on that tbh.

Welllll how many ADs did you try before you gave up on them?

I tried citalopram - made me feel worse
lofepramine - nearly killed me

Now I'm on mirtazapine and it's been great - really helped.

Perhaps you just didn't get on with the one you tried?

Sounds like you need another trip to the GP. I know it's hard, but ask yourself, can you really carry on like this?

It's very hard to just "pull yourself together" on something like this - once you are in the grip of depression, it really is like having a disease - and you need the right treatment to recover.

Sorry for being a bossy boots

BUt I don't want o have to explain myself each time i go and i don't want to have to go every month for a repeat.

The only one they would let me try was Citalopram. I had the lowest dose and then the max dose but i felt all "cotton wool-y".

I had prozac many moons ago. That made me worse

I have been like this for years. Seem to stay at the rock bottom stage much longer tho and not get quite so high up each time. I live in melancholy it seems.

ANd i don't have a valid reason to really.

"I don't have a valid reason to really"

EXACTLY

You have just proved to yourself - that depression is not a choice - it's an illness

I got really really ill even tho I had a relatively trouble free life, with lots of support.

It is an illness. You need to get help

If you don't feel like explaining it all again show them your post printed out.

Honestly you don't have to suffer like this.
x

But if you need help you have to ask for it
sorry to be harsh but it's true
if you want to feel better you need to do something about it
good luck xxx

No one chooses to feel crap.

x

Do i need help? (rhetorical question - don't answer)

I don't want ADs, i don't want counselling, i don't want CBT i just want to be normal. Whatever that is.

But through those three things you might feel normal?
Or you can just carry on as you are....

this feels normal to a certain degree.

I have been fighting food demons for 20 years and I am only 28 so that is a looong time. ED wise - this is normal. I am guessing the rest comes from tiredness.