Where does the depression end and the selfish c**t start?

[Confuzzeled]

I don't know if I can put up with this anymore.

Dh's depression is tearing me to bits. It's another day in bed as he says he needs to retreat into himself for a bit to get through everything.

I have pnd too but I don't ever get to put myself before the kids and him. I just have to clean, feed and try to stay on top of everything as Dh couldn't give a shit about the day to day stuff anymore. I feel like a carer rather than a wife and my poor kids have to watch their father like this and I have to try and not snap at them when I want to scream at Dh.

I'm going to get to a point were I won't give a fuck if he kills himself anymore.

Oh goodness me, what a terrible situation. To have both of you in the grip of depression is really awful.

I know what you mean, often it's the mother who has to keep going, keep food on the table, keep the clothes washed and put away, washing up done etc. no matter how bad she is feeling there is that instinct to keep going for the sake of the kids..

Men don't seem to have this same instinct, or not to the same extent anyway.

Unfortunately depression is an illness. Your DH's behaviour is actually very common in depression. Retreating from the world because of an inability to cope anymore. I know this is very hard on you, but he really needs professional help - he is unlikely to pull out of a serious depression by himself or because you shout at him to pull himself together.

Depression does cause many marital break ups and I am really sad about this, because if only there was more support available these marriages could possibly be saved.

When I was in the grip of depression I know I was a nightmare to live with and very difficult to have around. I couldn't be left alone I was such a wreck. It was a terrible strain on my DH. However, he stuck by me. I got the right help and I am well now and we are happy again.

Are there specific things causing his (and your) depression that need addressing? He may be able to get CBT on the NHS if he goes for help. Certainly he should be on anti depressants if he's not already.

What about you? What support is there for you? Do you have any family or a close friend you could confide in?

Sympathies, you must be going through a really rough time
x

We are a bit similar as DH is clinically depressed and I have PTSD - we both have treatment and we both are improving but it has been a hard slog. it has not always been nice to need support from others as Dh just couldn't help when I was dealing with very intense flashbacks and new memories resurfacing.

At times when we are both struggling he tends to say 'well I can't do that' - but it still has to be done - but he can't do it - so it ends up with me. Every time. It takes a lot of reminding yourself why you love him and that this will not last forever.

Is Dh having treatment? Because this lying in bed makes it worse, it really does. One thing I admire my dh for is still carrying on and making a huge effort to show love enthusiasm and attention to ds.

Thank you for replying, I was just having a bad day and needed a rant.

We are both on AD's, Swiss Family Fluoxitine

DH has just started seeing someone, not sure if it's CBT he's getting.

My pnd is purely chemical, last time it stopped as soon as I stopped breastfeeding. I'm sure it'll be the same this time and I can handle it, really it's just my moods and temper I have to control.

I do love my dh so much and I know it's the depression making him like this. He has always been a bit dark and he sleeps allot, we call him a bear. I hope he comes back.