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Mental health

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Original poster

Feeling Low ... wishing I never had DD2

10 replies

lovinit · 27/07/2005 01:20

Urrgghhh ... I feel so useless and helpless and miserable since DD2 was born. It is because I am finding it hard to cope with a newborn who generally is fitful from 4am and does not stay asleep and then a 22 month old who is very demanding. I feel as if I have low milk supply and cannot get DD2 to settle to sleep without constant crying. I know lots of people say this is normal, but i honestly cannot handle it now. I am also travelling long haul with the 2 of them in weeks and am petrified abt the prospect but I have to for a sisters wedding. I feel as if everyone else's babies settle and sleep so much better than mine that I think that I must be doing soemthing wrong ... DD1 was also a nightmare, and I seriously can say that it stopped roughly at 4 months when I stopped BF ... I am so tempted to stop but feel pressure to continue. Am I being too impatient ? I really do dread each day and night and no longer smile or have the energy to be playful with DD1 who loses out the most .... I really do not know what to acheive by writing here but feel the need to as DH has a very stressful job and I do not want to burden him anymore, plus he thinks I am being neurotic !

OP posts:

colditz · 27/07/2005 01:33

You do what you want to do, not what you think other people want you to do.

You have to live your life, nobody else does.

I am sure you are doing a fab job with your children!

jabberwocky · 27/07/2005 03:17

lovinit, I can't imagine dealing with a newborn and putting up with the antics of my 23 months old ds at the same time. You deserve a medal just for making it through the day. As for the wedding, please don't feel that you absolutely have to go. If you're not up to it (and I certainly wouldn't be) just say so and stay home! Is there anyone around who could come over and give you a hand? Friend, relative, paid nurse? There's been a lot said lately about the fact that women used to have much more help from extended family members after childbirth and that now we feel as if we are "supposed" to be able to handle it all alone just fine thank you, with one hand tied behind our backs. It's just not realistic.
You also are having lots of hormonal changes and I'm sure some normal baby blues. Ds was a terrible sleeper. Even now he wakes once during the night. I think some babies are just programmed that way. Hang in there, use MN for support - it's really super! and try to get some RL help.

Weatherwax · 27/07/2005 08:25

I agree with the others. Newborns are hard work and your job is very stressful too. I agree with the others you need help, at this stage I got in a mothers help for my afternoons for six months, she was great and took the pressure off.

Lizzylou · 27/07/2005 08:29

Again, I agree with the other posters, please don't feel pressure to cope alone or to be the "perfect" mother. You need support too! You need to do what is right for your sanity and that will in turn benefit your children, if that means stopping breastfeeding, then so be it, if it means missing the wedding, so be it.

LittleBeck · 02/08/2005 12:23

Hi lovinit.

Agree with others about the BF and the wedding. You don't have to do either. Much better to do neither and cope better with the impossible, than break under the strain because you feel obliged to go to someone's wedding and continue BF when you're breaking under the strain.

I have 3 children and I found the transition from 1 to 2 extremely harsh. I was very disappointed that I couldn't be as "good" a mother to each of them as I had felt I could be when I only had one to mother.

Try to remember that it is a period of adjustment for you and for your first child. The family dynamic will settle over time and the positive sides of having more than one child will shine through a bit later on. And there are some very strong positives, it's just that they aren't apparent at the very beginning.

Janos · 03/08/2005 10:51

lovinit I saw your message and had to respond because it rings such a bell with me, especially the phrase about dreading each day and night. I had real problems (they were certainly very real to me) BF my little DS and really put unbelievable pressure on myself to do it. I think it actually contributed to my PND. Like your DD2 he was so fussy on the breast and would not settle. I agree with colditz. It's your life so do what works for you.

BTW no way are you being neurotic, you have a lot on your plate. I am amazed you are thinking about going to a wedding when you feel like this. Good luck to you and I hope you get some help xx.

Kelly1978 · 03/08/2005 10:59

It is very hard, and like you say it is normal for a bfed baby. You are doing really well to keep it going with a 22mnth old too. You need to do what you think id best for you and your children. Both of them will be happy if they have a happy mummy, so introduce a bottle if you want. You don't have to give up bfeedign at all, but a top up bottle might take some of the pressure off you. And try to remember there is an end to it, it won't go on forever, despite how hard it is atm.

oliveoil · 03/08/2005 11:02

lovinit - I am going to search for some of my threads, I was in EXACTLY the same boat as you, feeling really shit and crap and a bad mum. Bear with me, I am not too good at finding threads.

By the way, I found b/feeding dd2 much harder than with dd1, I stopped at 3 months and was much happier in myself. Not pushing you either way, but if you decide to stop, don't beat yourself up about it, it is soooooo much harder with a toddler to deal with as well.

I may be some time with these threads.....

Berries · 03/08/2005 11:02

This could have been me 8 years ago, 22 month gap between 2 dds and little one who wouldnt settle at all. I can't give you much help I'm afraid, except to say that you will get through it, and a surprising number of people with no 2 will be feeling exactly the same way. I did try and make sure we got out every day though. Definately didn't feel like it (felt like curling up in a little ball behind the sofa most days) but the fresh air did both of the kids good, and me too. I don't think there was a magic day when it all got better, just gradually, when you realise that today was actually not too bad. If the breastfeeding is a prolem, stop it, I carried on, probably shouldn't have done, and it ended up contributing to the stress.
Hugs

oliveoil · 03/08/2005 11:26

I can only find one but I am certain that I did loads, there is a link to another one on my thread as well.

I sound quite up reading back this thread but believe me I wasn't, cried everyday for months, and that is SO unlike me. This early stage is hard. I used to dread the nights too, knowing that I would be awake and pacing the floor on my own, nothing more lonely.

Cat me if you want a good moan, I can certainly remember it all.

xxxxxx

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