I used to be lovely and now I'm crazy

[FrumpyGrumpy]

I have been resisting going to the doctor for a very long time but lately I think I maybe need to bite the bullet. (Its that or fruit and I'm sure fruit is bad for you ).

For me, it will feel like a massive personal failing to make a fool of myself by crying out bits of my story to a doctor I know and a personal failing to take ADs. I'm all for them for others but I desperately don't want to do it myself. However, I've tried homeopathic stuff, herbal stuff, had 3 counselling sessions and I can't say I found anything to be making a difference.

I haven't taken this decision lightly, I guessed I had PND after dd1 was born and although it almost broke me I put my head down and drove through it with determination until I was free. This time I have twins and it reared its ugly head when they were 5 months (until then I was doing so good, but maybe too good IYKWIM).

Anyway, sorry to go on...

I have no experience of ADs and I'd like your opinions. Are they fab or are you not sure if they're doing anything? What ones are popular?

I filled out the Edinburgh survey on here and had a shocking 27!! I swear I'm really alright except a bit of leg hair that could do with a new home.

I have a crying baby just awake so back later.....

oh frumpy....3 little ones two of which are twins....must be sooo hard.

i wish you every bit of support and luck at GPs.

i do think tho that 3 counselling sessions is nothing, and also that there are a whole load of rubbish counsellors out there.

also you haven't said anything about what support you have (dp/friends/family) and whether you access that?

am not strictly speaking anti ADs but think there are a whole range of other things that you need to mobilise in order to help you through iyswim.

if you can resist them, then do so. it was the biggest mistake of my life. i relied on my ad's so much. ive now been off them two months and it still is hard. i just want them, they do help but not in the long run. a friend and a helpfull hand is such a better remedy, believe me. where do you live?

please tell me: what is it that makes people avoid taking ADs? If you are truly, clinically depressed, why not make your life & your family's life easier by taking medication? If you have a migraine, do you refuse to take a painkiller? i'm not having a go; i really want to know WHY medication seems to be considered such a bad/shameful/taboo option.

I used to think of ADs as a personal failure, now, looking back and able to apreciate the difference they have made, I think I was making a fool of myself. I wish I have asked for help earlier, before things went too bad, I would have enjoyed more the first year with DS instead of spending so much time feeling miserable. So, if you reckon they may help... give them a try

its not bad and its not shamefull. its just hard to not rely on them permanently. i took them for years because i was and sometimes still am suicidal, but its just a personal opinion.

not bad not shameful not taboo (not to me at least). but i believe depression isn't only a chemical imbalance in the brain. there is a set of circumstances that lead to that imbalance iyswim. changing the way we see them/or changing them is v important in terms of feeling better long term.

also whilst there is an important place for ADs, they have lots of side effects, some people more affected than others: these include, dryness of mouth, loss of libido, dizziness and many others. like i say, not something that means never take ADs but something to consider.

Also, GPs prescribe ADs partly (not wholly and not always) because they are cheaper much cheaper than good psychotherapy/counselling.......important to push for both at the very least imo.

they are not a fix-all. the brain and soul are certainly not the equivalent of a tummy ache that you can just take something for and then, hooray all better....imo

I found ADs were a great help if you are willing to change other things in your life too. I was on them for 2 years and relapsed but after 6 months i managed to come off them and stay off by changing my diet too. I cut out all caffine, and quick sugar fixes. I had realised that i was using these to pick up my mood and to keep me awake. Just don't rely on just ADs to get you through it, it takes other changes too. HTH

i will be on them for the rest of my life, probably. I went thru my first depression at 16. It took many years & much self-harm & "cries for help" before I was diagnosed. i've tried all sorts of therapy, including 8 years of psychoanalysis. for the past 6 years, i've been on Prozac & regular psychotherapy, which is now down to monthly instead of weekly. I have not had a really bad relapse in those 6 years. Prozac is not a "happy pill"; it simply enables me to live with my illness.

I agree with Soph, the ADs on its own may not solve the problem permanently, you may need to do some slight changes to your life in order to see things in a more positive way. Having said that, I would only get counselling if I have a good recommendation about the person I'm going to see, unfortunately many counsellors are healing their own wounds by counselling, and some are not exactly bright or sensible -to say it in a nice way.

Oops didn't see your post Sansouci, I understand when you say that ADs "simply enables me to live with my illness". I have met several lovely people who have say the same to me, one of them told me that he couldn't understand why people so freely assumed that it's OK to go against medical advice and suggest people to leave their ADs, after all you never ask any other person with a chronic disease to leave their medicine just because you feel a bit of friendship, a hobby, some holidays or a new haircut may sort the illness.

thanks, chandra. I put myself out on a limb by being so blatantly honest but i'm fed up with depression being considered as something you can just "snap out of". I didn't ask to be depressed, anymore than my SIL asked to have MS. My own sisters also suffer from depression... perhaps it's inherited. who knows? i can say that it is a very real illness, though, & terribly dibilitating, or fatal, if left untreated.

Frumpygrumpy - you've tried other things, which is great, but if nothing's worked so far then please go to the doc's - ADs might just be the thing that's really going to help you. It's not a failing - please don't think that. It wasn't a failing when my dp went on Sertraline - turned all our lives around. She's had no side effects and no problem coming off them - they just really helped a very bad couple of periods in her life.

oops debilitating

Anti-d's certainly aren't a cure-all and I agree with much of what sophable has said but they have really been a life-saver (at the risk of sounding melodramatic) for me. I had severe PND with ds1, and the anti-d's got me through that terrible time until I was strong enough, and recovered enough, to do without them. They do not 'fix' underlying problems, but they enable you to get through the day-to-day grind a little easier. If, like soph has suggested, you think you have deep rooted reasons for the depression then I'm sure counselling (good counselling) is of benefit too.

I believe depression is such a multi-faceted thing that there can't be a 'one size fits all' miracle cure. With my PND at least though, I strongly belive it was predominantly a chemical/hormonal imbalance...and the anti-d's definitely worked. Like sansouci, I think anti-d's are essential for some types of depression.

There are downsides, of course - I was fine with Prozac but have found my current anti-d (Citalopram) extremely hard to come off so although it worked, I'd be loathe to go on this particular one again.

Btw, you don't have to cry when you're at the GP's - I never did and she was no less sympathetic. There is no shame in admitting you need help (it's hard though, I know). Best of luck.

Thanks for all these messages. I'll keep reading and collecting info before I decide. Its not that I think ADs are shameful I just want to get to the root of the problem and fix that not hide it under something else. What I'd really like is my DP home every night (he works away in the week) just for the moral support. Other than that he's great and I have some help around every day (I don't like it but I can't manage without it). Thanks again.