How 'depressed' should you be before you consider anti-depressents?

[BattyKoda]

I cannot get up in the morning, if I could I would bury my head under the pillows and stay there all day morning. I don't know if I am 'depressed' though.

I have great plans every night about what to do with the kids, what housework to get done, then when it comes to it, I just don't do it. I can't keep on top the housework, I'm not doing enough with the kids, I'm argueing with DP all the time (although not sure who is starting it).

Have so much going on at the moment. We're getting married, moving house, a close relative just died suddenly. I feel like I'm on a treadmill thats going too fast and I haven't the energy to keep up.

Why can't I manage it? I don't work, we only have to DC's, money is OKish. Everyone else copes alright, so why is my house a bombsite and not covered in crafts and home baking?

I went through a stage of panic attacks not long ago, they seem to have gone away, I think because I just feel numb now IYSWIM. Like I can't be bothered to get that worried/upset/panicky.

We're thinking of moving back to my home town - it's a better place for the kids to grow up - but it won't be for about another year. So I guess thats making it harder for me to put down roots here - I'm in limbo!

I do worry about the strain it's putting on me and my DP's relationship. I've never really relied on anyone, but there's so much pressure on him now, so I try to lay off and deal with things on my own. I probably set my standards too high, nothings ever good enough!! I keep in touch - almost daily - with my best friend from home, but she's also having a hard time, and has got alot on so we're both useless for supporting each other at the moment!

Am of your cleaner!

Don't be . She's crap. And my standards are low

"Thank you Fel1x and MrsWobble for your fantastic advice. Thank you for putting me off anti-depressents, I think it was making it worse that I was thinking that it was the only answer. Your all right, I need a kick up the backside!!"

Please don't be put off taking anti depressants if you really need them. Have a chat with your GP or health visitor. Have an open mind about treatment options. You need someone in RL to give you advice, not mumsnet.

Yeah, because GPs are well known for treating depression the best way

" Note: Mumsnetters don't necessarily have the qualifications or experience to help if you're feeling seriously distressed or suicidal, and Mumsnet can't be held responsible for any advice given on the site. If you need help urgently, please see our mental health web guide which can point you to expert advice and support"

MrsWobbleTheWaitress

So what makes you the fountain of knowledge about how to treat a poster that you have ever met? Do you have qualfications in mental health? Have you met the OP in real life?

Anti depressants used correctly can save lives. Why should there be any shame in taking medication for mental health problems more than any other medical problem? Prehaps the hardest step is admitting that you have a problem.

The best way to defeat depresssion is a combination of methods. Medication has a place, but will not cure depression on its own.

GPs are variable, but some have a very good knowledge of pschyariarty where as others are useless. Its a matter finding the right person.

"Your all right, I need a kick up the backside!!"

BattyKoda, That is definately not true. You need help to get out of a difficult hole.

Reallytired has a point - I took Citalopram for a brief stint and it just gave my forearms the extra strength they needed to haul my big chunky butt out of the quagmire.

Only you and the GP can decide what's right, I s'pose

ReallyTired - I understand all that, but it's good for it to be put into perspective sometimes. I do need help to get out of this hole, but I think I need to help myself rather than using an illness as an excuse, which is what I think I might be doing. I know what I need to do, I just need the motivation.... and 'chatting' about it on here has helped me to process a bit, so thanks to all for listening!

I know once the heap of washing in the bedroom is sorted and our clean clothes are put away it will make waking up and getting dresses alot easier, so I will go and sort it out now

No shame in taking anti-depressants, Reallytired, but as soon as you dig deeper into the side-effects, the evidence base, the lived experience of them, they don't have quite the appeal they have otherwise.

It's not popular on here to suggest that there are better options than anti-depressants, but it really bloody got me down when people kept going on at me to take them and I knew that I didn't want to. I think that the odd dissenting voice wrt anti-depressants is what gave me the strength not to take them - I think the odd dissenting voice is what saved my life.

Yes, by all means go and see your GP, but, unless your life is unliveable as it is, it's always worth trying self-help first. Kicking up the backside does not, IMO, constitute self-help. Recognising there is a problem, whether you give it the label of depression or not, and taking steps to take control of that problem is often all it takes.

Having a diagnosis of depression can make the whole thing worse - sets of a cycle of negative thinking, which just spirals out of control. Clearly, such a diagnosis is vital if your life is so bad that it is unliveable, or unlivable with any joy in it, but if you're just reacting to a very stressful period in a very normal way, then lots of tips may be all that is necessary, and avoids a busy GP, who potentially has the very common (sadly) ignorance about depression, dishing out some pills and not doing anything else - which is the worst thing to do!

I am hoping that the OP is getting lots of ideas to think about and will find the thing that is right for her.

I agree with MrsWobble

There are lots of mental health organisations that are now focusing more on diet and exercise as an essential part of mental health wellbeing

antidepressants have their place but they also - for some people - have their dark side - not least getting off them afterwards. If you can AVOID getting on them by trying everything else - e.g. therapy / diet / exercise / routine then that might be the best approach.

Obviously people in a crisis situation might need medication ASAP but if you are not in that place then the above can be good things to try first.

Medication is just one tool in the toolkit for mental well being.

imvho

" but I think I need to help myself rather than using an illness as an excuse, which is what I think I might be doing"

Don't you think its your depression talking?
I am not saying that you HAVE to take anti depressants. All I am saying is don't rule it out. Black and white thinking is very damaging and is the route of many mental health problems.

"then lots of tips may be all that is necessary, and avoids a busy GP, who potentially has the very common (sadly) ignorance about depression, dishing out some pills and not doing anything else - which is the worst thing to do!"

Don't worry about your GP being busy. It is what they are there for. Your health visitor is qualified to help you are well. Also your GP can refer you for other kinds of help other than anti depressants.

For example computational CBT is being rolled out across the NHS. If you are really suffering then your GP might be able to refer to councelling or a CPN.

Why live with depression when you can enjoy life to the full without depression. I had severe depression seven years ago and I was anti depressants for 18 months. They were not addictive and I could enjoy life again.

I started the course of anti depressants when my son was 11 months old. With hindsight I would have taken mediation sooner. I have very few memories of my son as a baby as I was so ill. I will never have that time again.

I had mild anxiety with my daughter and mediation has not been appriopate. However I have had chats with GP and health visitor whose professional judgement I have relied on.

It differes from case to case, is that something you can agree on without arguing

My dh has been depressed on and off for many many years, as long as I have known him and longer. He finally started a low dose of ADs - something he said he would never do. I'm so glad he did - it is still hard as he's on a ridiculously low dose but he's not willing to go up more. It is helping him to deal with counselling.

I have PTSD and get very low moods -- however usually they are 'appropriate' ie they tie in with what I am going through, what I am grieving/fighting. So ADs are not helpful.

So it all depends - but on a personal note I do think some care should be taken with telling yourself to get on with it. Both DH and I do so and usually when it is definitely the illness talking.

Thank you everyone - again!

I think I am just going through a rough patch. Sudden loss of a close relative. Things not great with DP, although we are getting married in a few months. A house move and relocation coming up (I feel in limbo). No immediate support.

These are all things that will pass and I should think positively. I will cope, and I can get through it on my own. MrsWobble - the cycle of negative thinking is, I think, what I have been doing over the last week or so, feeling that it will only end if I take some pills, I need to pull myself out of it.

"Don't worry about your GP being busy. It is what they are there for."

That's not what I meant - I meant a GP who feels too busy to do the right thing for depressed patients, and turns straight to pills before thinking of anything else.

Anti-depressants have a pretty crap evidence base - they really are a 'well they sometimes seem to work, so may as well try them, even though they also sometimes cause more harm than they prevent'.

I found getting married very stressful (both times )

I think that pre-marriage counselling is really helpful actually - maybe something you could think about

try exercise, counselling and acupuncture.

this is what i did with depression, as was adamant not to take ads. found it helped lots

Also what helped me was reading as much as I could about being present - living in the now. Daily meditating really helped, as did walking a lot; and weekly yoga sessions.

And, if you are depressed, learning to accept it - that doesn't mean giving into it. It means going with it, working with it, getting it on a leash rather than hoping to actually be rid of it. You may well be rid of it, if it's a fleeing episode because of your current life situation, but I've found it very freeing to stop trying to get rid of my depression and to learn to live with it.

do you sleep well? my doctor once prescribed me with a week of very mild tranquilisers as after quality sleep things are easy to deal with, i know its easier said than done but if you do want to avoid the meds this may be first step. good luck

Morningpaper - that hadn't crossed my mind actually, will look into it, thanks!

lucytoppin - I have always been a really good sleeper, could sleep all day and night where ever I am. I have been finding it harder to ge to sleep at night at the moment though, so much running through my mind!

I second the idea of getting help sleeping, it's what saw me through after ds was born and the subsequent PND. It took a call to Samaritans to get me to realise that's all I needed. Good luck

batty ....do you feel lonely as that is a tough one too ad can make you feel like you dont want to get yorself motivated.

Do you find ,if you start something,you never finish it too.

batty - you have good reason to be down, depressed, under the weather etc. That does NOT necessarily equate to depression. Being depressed is not the same thing as depression. Therefore Anti-Ds might be a bit OTT at the mo.

However - it might still be worth a visit to the GP if you are feeling very lacklustre and tired in the mornings specifically - your thyroid might be running on low. Always worth getting it tested to see if your thyroid function is down - once you know, you can decide what (if anything) to do about it.

"Get a really brisk friend to come round and motivate you; you never know."
Yes, I think this is really good advice. SOme people have just got the right type of energy.
I also wouldn't beat yourself up because you don't work. I'm a SAHM and although I am by choice ,there are aspects of this job that are very difficult, and I think not "having" to be anywhere and not having to get dressed are big de-motivators. So I think it works as a type of inertia i.e the more you do, the more you can do IYSWIM.
If you're really stressed about the state of the place, here is a bit of advice and I don't mean it flippantly at all or to trivialise the people who have problems with it but thHere are some people who have serious hoarding and squalor problems and many of the people trying to deal with these problems go on TV programmes or forums. Well, if you ever watch one of these programmes it makes you just want to clean something as soon as you finish watching. It works for me every time!

I didn't want to take ADs when I got the 'mild PND' diagnosis from the doctor who just gave me a perscription for floxitine (sp?). This is what I do to help get through the days and weeks:

Take omega fish oil tablets
Take magnesium OK tablets (helps with PMT)
Get out as much as I can
Meet friends regularly
Hypnotherapy to help me sleep (on my ipod) and sessions from my mum for anxiety (helps hugely)
I've tried homeopathy for sleep (was perscribed a remedy to help stop me waking up so often - it did help a bit)
Keeping busy
Writing a diary every night noting all the good things that happened that day (eg cuddles from DSs, smiles from DS3, funny thing that DS2 said, etc)
Talking to anyone who wants to listen (I am lucky in that I have a very supportive DH)
Talking on mumsnet

I hope that this will be enough to see me through to better times. I was diagnosed in January when I went to the doctor suffering from anxiety and insomnia. I'm much better now, not cured, just better.

I still, every week, think 'should I just go to the GP and ask for some different ADs' (the ones he gave me made me feel vile and made the insomnia 10 times worse). I haven't yet. I just not sure they are for me. Gut feeling and all that. I think you have to go with your gut feeling. If you feel you need that extra help then go see your GP and talk about various options. If not, there are lots of alternative therapies around to help.

Thank you for the advice - will read properly again to soak it up!

Things getting worse, although I am keeping on top of the house work more and feel more motivated everythign around me is getting worse, going through such a tough patch.

More arguements with DP (there has been another thread on this)
Another relative very poorly
My brother and wife are divorcing after forever together. Seemingly comletley out of the blue.
Problems with abnormal smears and damaged cervix cropping up again 0 been to the hospital today.
Was also told that my erratic periods and pain is probably down to anxiety.

Fucking life

Just goota get through it