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Mental health

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Original poster

How 'depressed' should you be before you consider anti-depressents?

49 replies

BattyKoda · 08/04/2010 14:31

I cannot get up in the morning, if I could I would bury my head under the pillows and stay there all day morning. I don't know if I am 'depressed' though.

I have great plans every night about what to do with the kids, what housework to get done, then when it comes to it, I just don't do it. I can't keep on top the housework, I'm not doing enough with the kids, I'm argueing with DP all the time (although not sure who is starting it).

Have so much going on at the moment. We're getting married, moving house, a close relative just died suddenly. I feel like I'm on a treadmill thats going too fast and I haven't the energy to keep up.

Why can't I manage it? I don't work, we only have to DC's, money is OKish. Everyone else copes alright, so why is my house a bombsite and not covered in crafts and home baking?

I went through a stage of panic attacks not long ago, they seem to have gone away, I think because I just feel numb now IYSWIM. Like I can't be bothered to get that worried/upset/panicky.

OP posts:

willsurvivethis · 08/04/2010 14:33

The best thing to do is to go to the GP and tell them how you feel. They will ask you questions and figure out whether you are likely to be depressed.

(but please don't think you're the only one who doesn't do all the planned house work or who thinks she doesn't do enough with the kids - I think a lot of us do...)

Original poster

BattyKoda · 08/04/2010 14:35

*have two DC's

My GP is crap, I went about my panic attacks and just brushed me off, didn't want to listen.

OP posts:

ShinyAndNew · 08/04/2010 14:38

I reckon this 'everyone else' person must be marvelous. DH seems to think so, although he is the only person to have met her that I know of. Perhaps she is friends with 'normal woman'?

My house and day sounds pretty much like yours (the not getting enough done). It's totally normal. However if you are feeling down you do need to go and see your gp.

I only went when mum told me I was depressed. I thought I was perfectly fine. It's now that I am out of the other side I can look back and think 'Yeah that really wasn't right'

Original poster

BattyKoda · 08/04/2010 14:45

I don't know if I feel down, or just really de-motivated. I'd quite happily lay on the sofa all day at the moment.

Today there is 4 piles of clean washing that needs sorting, last night and todays washing up, kitchen to tidy. Lounge covered in toys. Bathroom needs a good clean. DS1's room is an absolute tip. Upstairs needs poilishing and hoovering. Then dinner to do. Treadmill.

OP posts:

legscrossed · 08/04/2010 14:46

if you need to ask the question you already know the ...........

Original poster

BattyKoda · 08/04/2010 14:53

legscrossed - What do you mean? That I should consider them if I am thinking about it?

OP posts:

willsurvivethis · 08/04/2010 15:02

Sorry Legscrossed don't agree

it doesn't have to be depression and even if it is it may not have to be pills.

mistressploppy · 08/04/2010 15:15

Experiment. Get a really brisk friend to come round and motivate you; you never know.

Then if you don't feel better in a week or so, go to the gp (say you want to see a different one) and lay it on the line.

I feel like this sometimes and it sort of becomes a habit, then something comes along and shakes things up and I improve. I am reeally lazy though.

Do you look forward to nice things? If not, that can be an indicator of depression, I believe. And too much going on can be a trigger for it...

zonedout · 08/04/2010 21:19

shinyandnew my dh knows her too. she sounds amazing.

battykoda i empathise, i really do. think mistressploppy has some very good ideas though (unlike me who has no ideas at all, i am afraid)

Fel1x · 08/04/2010 21:26

i feel like this sometimes and the more things build up, the worse i tend to feel.
forcing myself to do stuff is usually enough to turn things round and kick start a fresh start iyswim
have you got someone you can ask to watch the kids for a few hours? or ask dh to take some holiday and take them out for the day?
tell him that you are aware you've got stuck in this rut, you are are worried that you are becoming depressed and want to spring clean (the house and your thoughts!) for a fresh start
Use the time to blitz the house, get the toys and craft stuff sorted and tidy, jot down a rota for keeping up with house stuff and grocery shopping, menu planning etc so you can maintain it
i guarantee that when everything looks spic and span and you ahve a plan to keep it like that, that you will feel better and be motivated to actually DO stuff that you are meaning to/wanting to
(I also find that kicking myself of the internet helps when I am feeling down too)

if after that massive effort you still feel down/unable to cope then a trip to gp is in order. good luck

MrsWobbleTheWaitress · 08/04/2010 21:29

I have suffered from depression most of my life. I've battled it in various ways, hoping each time that the method will fix it. It never has. I'm only just learning how to live with the illness - be in charge of it rather of it in charge of me. It's never going to go away.

I've never touched anti-depressants because I was scared of them - now I'm very pleased I didn't. I don't think they fix anything - they're a sticking plaster. If you are on the verge of suicide, then they may keep you going long enough to learn a few strategies to get you closer to getting that black dog on a leash.

But, and I may be flamed for this, but I hope not, I really would suggest that anti-depressants are not going to be the answer for you. You are probably unlikely to be depressed, more having a normal reaction to an extremely stressful patch in your life. I'm not trying to devalue your feelings, but I know from experience, that the more you think you're depressed, the more depressed that feeling makes you!

You may find it helpful just to accept that, what with all the stress, your emotions just aren't quite strong enough to help you keep on top of daily life at the moment and maybe ask for some practical help from people - friends/family - while you focus on surviving emotionally and while you get a grasp on day-to-day life again.

Write lists - very long ones, that include really basic things like 'get dressed' and cross things off. Who cares if your house is covered with crafts and homebaking? Sounds nice to me . Get a timer and set it to go off after 45 minutes. YOu have 45 minutes to do what you fancy. Then you must set your timer for 15 minutes and during that time, do as many of the things on your list as you can. And then stop! And set it for 45 minutes again.

And get out - don't isolate yourself. Don't be self-destructive. Notice negative thinking patterns and act on them. I know it's hard - trust me, I know! But the more you watch and are aware of your negative feelings, the more you will learn to manage them, or manage with them.

morningpaper · 08/04/2010 21:32

good advice mrswobble

ASecretLemonadeDrinker · 08/04/2010 21:34

"I think because I just feel numb now IYSWIM. Like I can't be bothered to get that worried/upset/panicky. "

that's how my depression is. I'd get a new GP and go and say what you have said here. May not be bad depression, you may be able to get out of this yourself, but you may need more help. GP is first port of call Good lcuk

NotanOtter · 08/04/2010 21:35

I was going to say 'very' in answer to the op
Having read Mrs Wobbles post she puts it better

I was prescribed them a few years back and refused them until my GP said i would be sectioned. I took them for a few months ( 3 max) and all they did was blur the edges
I dreaded coning off them and having to 'deal with things' properly

When i did come off them I was much better but coming off them was AWFUL

ASecretLemonadeDrinker · 08/04/2010 21:38

MrsWobble- you seem very mucht the same as me I have used ADs to get me through the very dark days, but I just have to 'accept' my depression and deal with it bit by bit. I live by tiny lists like "getting dressed" I have tried to build myself up slowly but solidly so I don't derail quickly - walking before I can run kind of thing. But I know myself, I know what points I need help and know when it's just a kick up the backside, it's so hard to tell for someone else. Gps should suggest things like CBT rather than ADs straight away, something that really may help you

Reallytired · 08/04/2010 21:39

Anti depressants are brilliant if you actually need them. However you need a GOOD GP and support and proper monitoring. The problem is that many GPs hand out mediation like smarties and leave the patient to get on with it.

This book is excellent, but if you are clinicaly depressed then you need the anti depressants to give you a temporary lift to do something to make life better.

www.amazon.co.uk/Brilliant-Cognitive-Behavioural-Therapy-Improve/dp/0273724908

ASecretLemonadeDrinker · 08/04/2010 21:39

Last bit was to OP

Original poster

BattyKoda · 09/04/2010 08:53

Thank you everyone. Took the DC's for a walk in the woods yesterday then got back and did a blitz on the house. Just all the washing left to sort. Felt much better.

I'm pretty much on my own at the moment, no real support around me. Apart from DP, but things aren't too great there at the moment, think we both need our own space. I'm living in his home town and my friends/family are 200 miles away. I've made new friends but it's not really the same.

Thank you Fel1x and MrsWobble for your fantastic advice. Thank you for putting me off anti-depressents, I think it was making it worse that I was thinking that it was the only answer. Your all right, I need a kick up the backside!!

Mistressploppy - I do look forward to nice things, kind of, at the moment I feel more stressed about them. As in: I'm getting my hair done today, lovely, but it means the house needs to be presentable we all need to be dressed and I could do with nipping to the shops before she comes. Should be easy enough!

OP posts:

Original poster

BattyKoda · 09/04/2010 08:54

Oh, and I just want to clarify that I wish my house was covered in craft stuff and homebaking, not washing up and ironing!!

OP posts:

mistressploppy · 09/04/2010 08:57

Good luck with the hair and preceding chores!

Original poster

BattyKoda · 09/04/2010 09:01

Thank you, will probably end up doing the bare minimum and then being annoyed later!! I just don't get why I find it such hard work, it's normal stuff that everyone does, and yet I just want to bury my head and forget about it!

OP posts:

mistressploppy · 09/04/2010 09:11

Yup, sounds about right. I can relate! Usually when I feel like that I just do easy cosmetic stuff (ie put things in piles so it looks less messy) and reward myself with crisps.

I also know how sh*te it can make you feel, being on someone else's turf without your mates.

Original poster

BattyKoda · 09/04/2010 09:21

I think that may be the route of all this actually. I have no other support, and although I was very independent before the move I think thats getting to me. I can't drive so I feel quite isolated. I'm completley relaint on DP and I think thats putting a strain on things.

OP posts:

mistressploppy · 09/04/2010 09:35

I suspected as much, and especially now you've mentioned the driving.

Poor you, sounds like you are having a rough time of it. All you can do is move forward and set up your own stuff (you said you've made new friends so good for you - keep at it). I found it's good to stay in touch regularly with old mates but if you do it to the detriment of your new life you end up getting all nostalgic and weepy and feel even worse.

Also tough for your relationship with DP, it seems that side of things is on your mind lots too

mistressploppy · 09/04/2010 09:39

Here's something for you - I feel just like you sometimes (can't be arsed, down in dumps etc) - and my house is a pigsty DESPITE...I don't work, I have one really easy 5m old, DH is supportive, I drive, money is no prob. And we have a cleaner.

Just to point out that you should not be too hard on yourself, you are dealing with some proper poo by the sounds of things. I have no excuse at all and I still get crisps

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