How long is this going to continue?

[iamjeniam]

Hi
I am new to this site and wondered if you mind me posting a question.
I have three children, 9,7 and 5. I have had debilitating pnd with all three and have been on anti-depressants since 2001.
Last summer the dose was increased because I was struggling at work and I split up with my partner.
My eldest is 9 tomorrow and I am feeling total despair that I am going to be stuck feeling numb for the rest of my life. Why don't I feel better?
The kids have been at their dads since yesterday, and I have not done anything. Just sat in may pjs in bed feeling listless.
I just want to feel like me again.

Sorry to hear you are feeling so low. Have you been feeling this way since 2001 or have you had better periods?

Have you had any therapy at all, or just the ADs?

I believe there is a way through depression. Unfortunately the illness itself clouds your judgement and warps things out of all proportion causing you to despair. I can see that this happened to me - thinking I had nothing to live for and wanting to end it, when actually now looking back I see how MUCH I had to live for.

I'm sure there is a way through for you. IME depression is like quick sand - the more you fight against it the deeper you sink. You struggle to see how you will ever get out. All your efforts work against you. You feel guilty. You feel a failure. You fight more but only feel worse. I know the cycle well.

A book is very helpful to get out of this trap it is called The Mindful Way Through Depression: Freeing Yourself from Chronic Unhappiness I don't know if this might help? It is best used in conjunction with a therapist though as can be quite hard to apply when you are feeling so low.

Please be kind to yourself. You've been through a lot and what you are going through is probably a normal reaction. I hope you manage to find the help you need.
x

Have you been one type of drug for all that time?
It could be that you need a different class of medication, not all meds work for everyone. And unfortunatley there are some people who are resistant to drug treatment all together, though this is less likely.
Have you had any therapy or counselling?