Can someone please remind me that getting some support does not mean I am crap?

[BertieBotts]

I saw the Health Visitor this morning - it was a follow-up visit as last time she came (just a welcome visit because I had moved into the area following leaving my XP in December) I had been ill and DS had been ill and the whole house was a bomb site.

Anyway I tried really hard today and tidied up a lot more - TBH it was really bad last time because of the virus we has but it hadn't been great admittedly all the time. She seemed pleased that it was better but has set up for me to get some extra support - I am getting a project worker one day a week and she is also setting up a CAF (Common Assessment Framework) which basically means getting a load of people together locally to see what can be done to help me.

Now I don't know why but I feel worse now. I know I should be happy that I am getting some more help and support and it is silly because this is a wonderful thing, but I think just admitting that I do need the help has made me feel like I have failed.

You are doing brilliantly- you are a strong mum to be able to ask for help and make sure your kids are getting the best.

If you met someone who had some paid help, you wouldn't think them weak, you would think how lucky they are to be able to make sure they are doing the best they can and getting support in that direction.

WELL DONE.

you haven't failed. you're at a time right now when you need a bit more support, and you are getting it. you aren't hiding away, you aren't refusing help, you are doing everything right.

I was talking to a friend earlier and we were lamenting modern day living. It's HARD bringing up children by yoursself. people used to have a big framework of friends and extended family nearby to lean on and so many of us just don't have that nowadays. we pile on the pressure and then wonder why it all falls down

It's GOOD to get help and to know when you need help and accept it!

Hi Bertie,
Sounds like you are doing really well tidying up and everything. It is so hard to keep on top of things when you are feeling ill. Especially if you are on your own with DC's.

Sometimes it is hard to accept support but if you think deep down that you do need it then accept it. You can always give it a try and see how it goes? I'm not sure how a CAF works but it might be good for you?

IS this a new area for you? Do you have any friends about to meet up with for a coffee/walk?

When I had PND my HV was round all the time which used to bug me but I knew she was checking up on me and subconciously it was a good thing.

Admitting that you need help is one of the first steps to feeling better. You have not failed. I'm sure some others will be on here soon with some wise words for you.

Thanks for your kind words

I haven't moved far away - just moved into a different HV area. I am familiar with the area and have friends etc here, also the children's centres are fantastic and I have been going to them a lot. I think that I just think I should be able to manage by myself - people with more than one DC manage and I only have the one, it should be easy! But maybe I am being hard on myself and should stop comparing myself etc.

If you'd broken your leg and needed extra help to get around, would you feel like this? Or if you had problems with your sight? These people are paid to provide support - it's what they're there for.

Bloody hell Bertie. I have a DH and 2 DC's and I can barely manage. I'm always on the phone to my HV at the moment with various things. Not got PND this time but find being a mum v challenging. You must be so strong to do it on your own. Don't be so hard on yourself! My house is a total tip too. Having kids is just not easy (until you train them to cook/clean and take themselves to school).

I found having one a lot harder than having two. With two, they keep you more busy and the day flies by, but with one it can get a bit intense.