cant cope with support, but cant cope with organising new support

[jetcat]

for the past year or so i have had x amount of hours direct payment support to help me cope with social anxieties, as well as depression and PTSD. Despite a few hiccups, this has worked well, and i got on fairly well with my personal assistant.

She has just told me she is leaving. This means that if i wanted to continue with direct payments, i would have to advertise and interview for a new assistant. And then the scary bit - get to know someone from scratch again, explain my worries and fears to someone and everything that goes with it.

I am seriously struggling anyway at the moment, and this is the last thing i need. But, i am scared that if i dont have any help i will simply slide futher under.

I just want to move 2 hundred miles away from everything at the moment, i cant see any way out, and i am really worried about how to cope whichever option i choose.

Sorry for long and muddled post - head is very at the moment

and title should read 'cant cope WITHOUT support...'

Oh dear jet

I'm so sorry. Can we help with anything?

oh jet - i wish I could help. But what you rightly say is that if you don't get help you will slide further.

I'm guessing that to get your first assistant you must have faced this challenge before....so you know you CAN do it.

You also know that there are so many of us that will help you if we can in any way.

Do you still have the ad you did for the last time you got an assitant?

can you get your current support to advertise and interview with you for her replacment?

that doesn't help with the next stage of getting to know a new person but if you find the right person then that should be easier too.

good luck!

Poor you.

I understand everything feels insurmountable at the moment Jet and I can really understand how intimidating the whole situation must feel.

Does she come from an agency? I can not think straight right now and will give some thought to anything that might help. But I believe that with support and guidance you will get through this and get to the other side and a better place.

Keep posting on here, don't let go of the support you have as everything seems so overwhelming..'the only way to eat an elephant is one spoon at a time', but goddamnit...we will see you finish it and move on to a rhino for pudding,

lots of love and virtual hugs xx

thanks guys, i didnt actually advertise for this one, she was recommended to me by the payroll agency i use. I did have to interview her though, which was so hard i could barely get my words out

She has said she will help me find someone else, even after her notice period, but i dont know how to cope with someone new. it takes me ages to build up enough trust in someone even to give them a ring or something, so explaining why they cant just leave me in the middle of a supermarket (major panic) is nigh on impossible.

I hate being like this. I look at my daughters and i want to able to take them places on my own, without having someone with me. I think my eldest is coming to the age where she will realise something is up and i really dont want to explain this to her.

Jet - it's great that she is offering to help and a great tribute to you that she wants to. She is obviously keen to go beyond the call of duty and that is down to how she feels about you. You could ask her to not only help wiht the interviews but also do a 'debrief' so to speak! Where she sits down with the person and goes through everything she feels she has learnt that helps you. That would give you a head start and mean You don't have to explain everything from scratch.

You know you can do it. Every day there are challenges but each time you do them and win - the next time you face that challenge it becomes a little easier. And what is inspirational to your two girls is to see you trying to deal with something that is hard for you. They will respect that, whether or not they are old enough to understand it (if that makes sense)