It makes me feel so sad and frustrated for you to read your post, that with all in life you could look forward to be doing now, you have to live with the misery of fibromyalgia.
Because of the way our brains are connected and work, it's often the case the emotional and mental pain often manifest themselves as physical pain - days when you feel 'on top of the world' perhaps you feel that you have more energy, yet on days when you feel really down, everything hurts a while lot more and you feel powerless to do anything about it.
You are not alone and also what I am trying to say is that it would do you the world of good to find some help that will enable you to tackle the emotional and psychological aspects of FM. It will help, in many ways, from your living with the constant fear of never being free from the pain itself, to you finding your way to get to the root causes and triggers that started the FM in the first place.
Here's a thought for you and something for you to perhaps in your quieter moments think about. Do you want to be the kind of person who 'fights' this, or the kind of person who 'lets go' of FM altogether? There's a difference. If you fight all the time, it leaves you exhasuted, depressed and miserable, if you let go of it, you can start to move forwards in a different kind of way. You won't be 'giving in', you'll be working in a smarter way to overcome the condition and the effects it's having on your life.
There are many ways forward, but they all involve one change that you may already have made in your life, or if not you will need to make. And that change is this. It's to take back control of your life and your condition. YOU can change not only your relationship with FM, but also how it affects you. In a little time, you will master it. This is a fundamental change in belief that you need to make - it's the difference between being a 'victim' of FM and being the person in control of their own life. If you can do this one thing, you will start to make a huge difference to YOUR life. You will see changes, physically, emotionally and mentally. Your depression will ease, the physical symptoms over time will change as will your whole outlook on life.
There is help available, from CBT to talk therapy even traditional counselling. EFT can be profoundly helpful for helping you resolve the emotional aspects you are clearly struggling with. Take the first steps, take back control of your life. But how?.... Think less of he mechanics of how, think of the reasons why YOU want to master FM, be in control and make it stop. Be proactive, write them down, draw pictures of how your life IS today when you are free from the pain. Start to think of life 'in the now', not frame life as 'when i'm better I will be doing X, Y' instead 'I am better and I do X Y and Z' . Start to think 'I am'. It sends a very different message to your brain, the chemical signals you send out and the electrical responses it then generates.
.. and go seek the kind of help that will enable you to resolve your complex issues surrounding FM once and for all. There is plenty of help available, but it starts with one small real change in you; the difference between 'I am in control' and 'I am not in control and I never will be'.
I wish you the very best.
TheGeneGenie ...