Hi all,
I'm looking for some help here as I've finally admitted to myself that something isn't quite right but I'm not sure what! Sometimes I think I'm depressed, sometimes I think that it's just tiredness and dealing with too much change all at once.
In summary, our daughter is now 11 months old. I've just gone back to work. Over the past year, my mum and my husband's mum have been in hospital, my husband has been away a lot with work, we've sold our flat, moved into a little rental (with a damp problem) and (just!) managed to buy a house after the 3rd attempt. Oh and the house needs lots of work. And of course, we've had a new little life come along!
I've had a real problem with insomnia since about June/July last year. Our daughter went through a few months with GER so wouldn't feed and just scream and be sick. The insomnia comes and goes but despite best efforts, I can't remain calm about it. I find that in the middle of the night I can get so angry.
I'm always so irritable with my husband, everything he does seems to annoy me even though I know he is trying to help. I've gone off sex and I have days when I feel I haven't bonded with my baby and then I feel really guilty! When she has bad days, sometimes I cope well and sometimes I just want to scream. Because of my sleep problems I find I just want her to sleep through the night and although I get up to her in the night, sometimes I wonder if I resent her for the changes I've gone through. Then I feel guilty and it makes me so sad - surely I shouldn't resent her?
I get so irritable I say things I don't mean, I cry more easily than I used to and I basically don't feel as happy and positive as I did. But is this depression or just a phase? I'm going to phone to make an appointment to see a doctor but thought some mumsnetters might be able to help. It's quite hard to write I realise as there is part of me not wanting to really articulate how I've been feeling.
Thanks