My best friend is sectioned due to bipolar I

[AlwaysMeanWellOftenWrong]

Her partner called me Thursday evening. She has been in hospital a week now. She has been transferred to the counties best psyc unit because she is so ill. I am so sad for her.

She has severe mania. Last time, and her first episode about 5 years ago, she had delusions as well. I am not sure exactly of her state as no one is allowed to visit - not even her partner of 6 years.

I don't know if I can do anything at all to let her know I am here for her, that I am thinking of her and hope she recovers without causing detriment to her condition. I know I cannot visit, at least, not for over a month.

She is so wonderful, such a loving, caring person, the most amazing person I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. We are very close, although we do not see each other that often; I have to be careful not to take up too much of her time as it would add to the pressures of her life, for which she has many.

Perhaps I could send a letter? I went to see her last time once she was allowed visitors, about 4 weeks after initial onset. She was still very delusional then, it broke my heart to see her like that, but at least she knew I was there for her.

Is there anything I can do at all? I have offered to drive partner to see her, she is far away and he can't drive and said he should ring me to chat any time, but I cannot think of anything practical to offer. I don't live close by.

I am just hoping and hoping that she gets better soon and has another long lasting period of normality. There is a fear that she will not go into remission this time though. No reason for it, just worst case senario.

sorry - county's

Sorry to hear about this AWMOW

Does she have kids that her dp is looking after on his own? If so you could perhaps do something to help them?

Seems strange she can't have visitors...and for so long? Can you ring the hopsital she is at and ask them for advice on contacting her?

No she does not have children; she is not having them because of her condition.

Her partner told me that she is not allowed visitors yet because it can adversely affect her recovery. I don't want to interfere with what he has said.

What a lovely person you are - yes a letter would be good, a card maybe - even if she cannot make sense of them now then maybe when this passes she can read them and gain comfort from having been thought about.

I think giving her DP support and life to see her would be very kind - it will also allow him to talk on the way back and share the burden a little.

Perhaps send him a card too so remind him he can call and take the initiative and call him because lots of people say 'call me anytime etc' but i is often that the person feels like they are burdening you with their problems so make it really easy for him to reach out.

I am dreadfully sorry for her, my best friend has had some similar problems and hard to know what to do. Your kindness and compassion comes accross really strongly in your post and I am sure, not matter how bad her state is that she knows that somewhere deep inside herself that she is loved.

What a lovely person you are - yes a letter would be good, a card maybe - even if she cannot make sense of them now then maybe when this passes she can read them and gain comfort from having been thought about.

I think giving her DP support and life to see her would be very kind - it will also allow him to talk on the way back and share the burden a little.

Perhaps send him a card too so remind him he can call and take the initiative and call him because lots of people say 'call me anytime etc' but i is often that the person feels like they are burdening you with their problems so make it really easy for him to reach out.

I am dreadfully sorry for her, my best friend has had some similar problems and hard to know what to do. Your kindness and compassion comes accross really strongly in your post and I am sure, not matter how bad her state is that she knows that somewhere deep inside herself that she is loved.

sorry about that - laptop 'issues'

thanks earthstar and tartyhighheels. I have contacted hospital and they are sure a letter would be fine. I will wait till her partner says that she is ready for non-relative visitors though.

Thanks tarty for saying I am lovely; I am touched! I really do try my best to be as kind and compassionate in all aspects of my life - treat others and all that.

I have written a letter, because it is true, even if it is not great now, she will be able to keep it for when she improves and it has my address and number so she can contact when feeling up to it.

Good idea about card for partner - I thought about ringing to see how he is, but I thought that he may think I was just bothering him for an update and I really don't want to burden him! I don't know him that well, my friend and I usually meet up on our own with my children.

Good for you - maybe post her some mini gifts if she will be in hospital a while

I think she needs to know that you don't define her by her illness. It's such a misunderstood thing in society still, she might want reminding that the people close to her see her as her IYSWIM.

You sound a lovely and very caring friend. (I am a mental health nurse btw but work in community not hospital)

She does sound very unwell. Perhaps you could send in (via her partner or the post) some small and practical items.

For example, hospitals have very limited supplies of what one might consider essentials. So mini size toiletries, or small cartons of soft drinks, any little practical thoughtful items would be useful I should think.

Also a good idea re offering support to her dp as someone else mentioned.

For her, knowing (once she is well enough) that you cared enough to keep in touch will mean a lot.

agree with the suggestions of sending cards/flowers - it is shocking how few people do, compared to an admission for a physical illness. I suppose mania is every bit as frightening from the outside as it can be from within?

hope her mood is coming down nice and gently and that she doesn't become too depressed afterward - and that she will be well enough for visitors before too long

sorry to hear that

like lollipop, when I've visited these hospitals, I've found that the little gifts like toiletries and juice (like a bottle of robinson's squash) went down well. Perhaps you could give some to her dh to take when he visits for the first time.

just a warning in advance though - if you do get to visit, those hospitals can be quite harrowing . You might be built of stronger stuff than me but I always came away feeling quite distressed.

I'm sure she would love the card and just to know that people were thinking of her .

What a lovely friend you are!

I have one caveat to add, and it might be completely irrelevant. My godmother had mental health issues and was hospitalised for long periods, almost institutionalised. I sent her a Christmas card once, one I had drawn myself of a mouse having a Christmas party (don't ask, I was about 13). Anyway, she phoned me in a high state of suspicion - she was having paranoid delusions at the time and thought that she was receiving messages from aliens telling her to write a book about something - and my card seemed to either have triggered something or fit into her delusions so she suspected that I was in cahoots with the aliens. Quite a distressing phonecall, tbh.

My point, I suppose, is to keep things very simple in any letter you send - very simple indeed, just in case. She might not have paranoia as one of her symptoms, in which case it probably is totally irrelevant - but if she does, please be aware that she might take even the best meant things the wrong way.

for you and her DP in this awful situation and I hope she gets better soon.

The bit about no visitors is really quite unusual - I would question this.

And for her too, of course!

Both her partner and your good self may want to look at this website as it is a good support group about bi-polar.

www.mdf.org.uk

She may have previously requested no visitors herself westender. (or asked her dp to ensure that people don't see her while she is so unwell and vulnerable?)

Or perhaps the team have identified that it just is too overstimulating for her and is really unwise at the moment.

I agree though, it is quite unusual. However if the op was to question it, I would advise sensitive handling.

don't think it is that unusual, anything that is too stimulating will make mania worse

certainly was not up to receiving visitors for first few weeks, personally, sometimes when you are that high you have to spend a lot of time isolated - don't know what it is actually called, quiet room I think, but the room is like a padded cell in some ways, in that it has nothing but soft things in it, like a soft play area

I would certainly question the hospital as to why they were advising no visitors but I definitely wouldn't query it with her partner at all.

Earthstar The hospital should really only give out information to one nominated person/nok or similar, probably her partner in this case.

I really think it is (in some ways) irrelevant as to why the hospital are advising no visitors. Unless one thinks that there is something dodgy going on then best to just accept that this is how it is for a few weeks?

What Miffy says is very true re becoming too stimulated.

I think your friend is extremely vulnerable if she is not allowed visitors and myself I think it is somewhat trusting to just assume all is well in this situation. I certainly wouldn't rely on the word of a boyfriend I hardly knew without speaking to the hopsital.

I would need to dig a little bit deeper in order to feel reassured about exactly what is going on here.

I really do think it is normal, certainly within my own experiences (have had a few such admissions) to discourage visitors until mood has come down quite a bit - highly unlikely anything untoward is going on. What do you think might be going on then? She's probably been sectioned for six months and unless it is lifted earlier there will be plenty of time for visitors.

I was quite aggressive, even violent, when unwell and this is not wildly unusual in mania. You also have to have one or two nurses with you 24/7 in the first days/weeks so it might be really difficult to accommodate visitors until that is scaled down a bit.

I believe, from both partner and hospital staff (I rang to check a letter would be appropriate), that visits would be too over stimulating at present.

Her partner is not visiting yet, he is waiting till she asks him to visit because he does not want to pressure her, but makes it clear at phone calls that he is there for her.

I have sent letter with my address and phone number, so she can write/ring when she is feeling up to it. In the mean time she will know I am thinking of her. I did keep the letter simple, as I was concerned about paranoia/delusions - I mainly talked about day to day activities with my kids and offered support and sent lots of love and affection and offered to visit if and when she wanted me to.

I did visit her last time, after about four weeks, it was harrowing and broke my heart to see her, but it is what is best for her that I will do, be that visit or not. I will cope either way. Either way will be painful for me, but neither will be as painful as things are for her. TBH, I am thinking about her a lot of the day and it is difficult not knowing how she is.

I'm going to go shopping tomorrow so I will pick up some lovely smellys so she can have a relaxing bath there.

Thanks for the link.

Hope she is better soon

I have been in exactly the same position, my BF was in hospital due to Bipolar. I did visit her from the start, but there were periods when she did not want visitors. But she had a mobile phone and we used to send each other texts. This was a great way to communicate as she did not always feel like speaking. Sometimes we would communicate by one word, other times she would sent me long harrowing texts which could be quite upsetting, but maybe it was good for her to communicate like this.

She is out of hospital now and I really realise how fragile life is. When she was in hospital I was almost obsessed, thinking about her all the time, but now things have sort of gone back to normal. I hope it all goes OK for you and your friend.