Counselling, ADs or what?

[Lusitania]

Been struggling for some time but mostly manage to paste a smile on and carry on regardless and most people would think I'm doing fine. Seems to be getting worse though, I feel permanently stressed with a knot in my stomach. There are all sorts of contributory factors - DD1 has a longterm illness, DD2 who has learning difficulties and is challenging to say the least has been out of school since the Autumn, although hopefully going back in after Easter. Also I feel my relationship with DH is based totally on the children/house etc, there is no personal communication between us but if he tries to get closer, I clam up. Also if we go out alone (as we did last weekend) I seem to fall into a deeper black hole and just want to be back home where we can hide from each other. There are a few other things going on which I won't bore you all with! I can't decide what to do, one day I think maybe some counselling would be the answer to help me deal with communication issues and self esteem, the next I think I don't want to be with him at all although he is a good, kind man, the next I think I should go and get some anti depressants from the GP and then I would be fine but that wouldn't deal with the actual issues would it? Sorry to ramble, can't decide what I should be doing here at all.

First of all what you need is to realise that ill and disabled children put a strain on any relationship, let alone one of each I do feel for you. My ds is disabled but in a way that's easy to manage plus he's still small. Still life is never quite straightforward.

Often young children come between dh and dw for a bit as it is all about the children if you're not careful - even more so in your case where the dcs require extra care. You must also be tired often so then when you are out with dh you can easily think wish I was at home with chocolate wine laptop and pjs.

I think definitely some counselling to help you make sense of where you stand in life and what you can do to make things better for yourself.

thanks willsurvive - I guess you're probably right. My DCs are big ones, 18 and 13, but, in particular the situation with DD2 has been ongoing since she was very small - I guess it builds up. I'm just rubbish at expressing myself, so I just wonder if counselling is for me and communication with DH is so functional, I'm finding it difficult to say to him that I'm thinking about counselling.

If you are bad at communicating it could mean counselling is not for you or just maybe it could mean an opportunity to learn to express your own wants, needs, feelings and desires.

I've just come out of a course of good old fashioned therapy and have learned so much about myself and my dh is quite shocked at the results (pleased that I am able to cope much better with life - just plain shocked that I now sometimes tell him what I think even if that means telling he he is an a**e ).

Don't dismiss counselling out of hand...