Sick and fed up of the pain.

[poshsinglemum]

Ever since my abusive relationship I have felt that my life has been one big muddle and that I am half the person I used to be.

It ended so badly. He had NPD and controlled me to the point where I was hospitalised twice. He was psychologically, not physically violent.

I was doing really well in a career that I loved but he chipped away at me until that was destroyed.

It was as though I became a shell. He robbed me of all my self-confidence and although it finished ten years agao, I am very, very angry.

I am having CBT but I am tired. No-exhausted.

I feel rejected and unlovable. I am frightened that I will be alone together and frightened that I will never succedeed. I am scared for my daughter adn worry that I will mess her up aswell. I just don't know what to do to make my life right.

I am so lucky to have my wonderful dd but I had to taht alone. I miss having someone to share my life with.

I am also in love with someone who isn't interested. I know it's hopeless but I can't help how I feel.

Sorry to moan on.

You have been through so much - it's important to see yourself as a survivor and not a victim.

This horrible, awful man may have had some part in ruining your life, but he doesn't have any power over you any more and you should be able to start moving on, for your sake and for your DD.

Does your DD still see him, or is he gone for good?

What was your career that you loved? Is confidence / self-esteem issues the only thing holding you back from re-starting this career?

CBT is quite hard work - you only get out what you put in. I found I often had to do a lot of "homework" between sessions. But it is worth it!

You sound lonely, and that is no wonder if you've been 10 years on your own bringing up your DD!

I have loads of friends who've met someone online - i know it sounds cheesey to go on an online dating agency, but hey, if you meet someone special who cares?

Hiya- I have just started on match.com and it IS giving me a boost.

My career was conservation biology and involved a lot of travelling but it is not realistic now dd is so little. It dosn't pay -it's something you do because you love it and right now i need cash.

I do like my cbt and it's helping.

I was getting over that man nicely but I've come home to the town where it all happened and that it bringing back some memories. I love my hometown though and I can't leave.

Hiya again. He is not dds dad-thank goodness!

DDs dad at least contributed something positive to my life!

hi posh, sorry to have assumed

Well, it's good you have no reason to keep him in your life. You can well and truly leave him behind.

I'm sure you will not mess up your DD, what she needs most is your love and full acceptance and it sounds from your posts that she has that.