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some advice please???

8 replies

jerin · 08/03/2010 06:53

Not sure if here's the best place to post but could really do with a few words of support or guidance at the moment. Feel like I'm going crazy - have 3 dcs under 3 all who were premature and spent several weeks in hospital which was stressful and traumatic. I'm now back at work which I'm finding hard. I'm due to reduce my hours in a couple of months and have barely any shifts before then due to holidays owing. But I hate it - I love the people but hate the company and it's often ridiculous rules etc. Recently had a run in with my manager when I was feeling down last time and she told me I was being silly and to pull myself together. About 2 months ago I was really, really low, flashbacks to babies births, panic attacks about leaving them and just feeling down. I saw the nurse at gps who I felt laughed at me and dismissed my anxieties. He just said talk to your manager which I did and got a bad response from her. She sent an email around the office telling all the supervisors that I couldnt cope. I feel kinda awkward when I see any of them now as I dont feel I cant cope with the children I just feel this sense of sadness. I was refered for counselling at my 6 week check after Dts born but I just never got time to go then. It feels like my downers come after my period and takes a week or two to feel normal again. Things bad with DH too at the moment as he doesnt really understand. He's fab in every way but I feel like his patience is running out. Our sex life is zero and he is feeling hurt and rejected but I just cant face it. I feel like I'm close to losing the happy home I had just a few months agao..... whats wrong with me and where do I get some help???

OP posts:
lucylue · 08/03/2010 07:00

sorry for your situation jerin.
can you go and tell all these to your gp.
you sound really exhausted emotionally.
maybe he can offer some ad's since you couldnt go to counselling.
good luck and best wishes.

compo · 08/03/2010 07:02

It does sound to me like you need some anti depressants and to be signed off work
you also need the support of your dh
could you sit him down over a nice meal and explain how you feel?

belgo · 08/03/2010 07:02

You poor thing, 3 under 3 and a job you don't enjoy is very stressful. It does sound like you need to talk to someone urgently- please go back to your GP and explain exactly how you feel.

There is an organisation that can help with traumatic births, I don't have time now but I will look it up later.

jerin · 08/03/2010 07:08

Thanks for your quick replies....... I have been to see midwives and go through birth notes which helped a little. I cant bear to watch anything on tv with premature babies and even 'normal' birth stories make me sob. I looked into private counselling but we just cant afford it. I will try to get to drs but have just changed surgeries and never seen any of them before - worried I'll get someone unsympathetic and I'll get knocked back again. I just feel so lonely

OP posts:
lucylue · 08/03/2010 07:14

just try one of the doctors, for example today.
if you couldnt get on you can always change to another one.
you cant understand if you dont try.
maybe when taking appointment you can tell shortly what you need it for and they can choose a doc more suitable, i dont know, just an idea.

belgo · 08/03/2010 09:11

here is a link to the birth trauma association.

willsurvivethis · 08/03/2010 11:04

3 babies in scbu - wow- that is traumatic.

My ds did one week in NICU and two in SCBU and that was bad enough hope to never go through it again.

I had a period of flashbacks and other symptoms of PTSD when ds was about a year old - resolved by talking to friends and a counsellor (and by having bigger fish to fry - his birth brought back abuse memories too).

I feel largely at peace with it now although it will always hurt. If I hear the dongdongdong of the saturation monitor going off (my naughty ds stopped breathing during fits for his first few days) I get distressed (happened in December when visiting a friend and her ds in hospital, or when it is on the telly) and seeing some clips of One Born Every Minute had me sobbing lots and lots.

Guess all I want to say is you need some time and space to deal with it, talk about it, give all this a place in your life. Things will find a place and get better.

jerin · 09/03/2010 08:54

Thanks for the link belgo - and the other replies. It's good to see that my anxieties are not irrational. It's just that no-one in the RW seems to understand past 'that must be hard......'
Not able to get to drs til tomorrow.....

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