hi all, I just wanted to drop a quick line and let you know how I'm doing, mostly to thank everyone here who took the time to help me seek help when I hit rock bottom, didn't want to just dissappear.
I made an appointment with my gp which I cancelled twice because I couldn't find the energy to get there. But DH realised, put me in the car and took me there at gunpoint. I have been referred for counselling, haven't heard from them yet but I know it's coming and it helps. I have a cleaner and an office girl now, so I'm finally taking some time off (as I didn't really have much choice), when the children come home I try to do with them things I enjoy, like cooking simple recipes or gardening, rather than things that make me thinking about self harming like lego or crafts. I had never thought befor that lego could lead someone to self harm but there you go.
I have also taken advice from here and taking flylady's babysteps (slower than suggested) and try to do the "living life to the full" course. Both these things give me something to focus on until my appointment comes up, I was told I'd know by the end of the week.
I'm so glad I have found this forum