FAB has had a diagnosis

[FabIsDoingPrettyWell]

I have attachment disorder.

Feels weird to actually have an official term for what is (partly) wrong with me and not that I am just going "mad."

OK Fab

Understanding what is going on does help I think.

But always remember. Just because you are paranoid, doesn't mean they are not out to get you. You can have attachment disorder and sometimes will still just be a numpty too

How are you feeling?

As long as you realise you are still Fab .

But good to know you are not mad...

I had an insecure attachment as a child and it's caused no end of havoc even in my adult life so I feel for you. On the positive side some good old fashioned (non CBT) therapy has got to the bottom of it and it has made a huge difference.

A bit at first at your numpty paragraph but I get it now.

I felt really excited when she said I had a disorder as if something has a name then maybe it has a cure/way of living with it, and also I felt [happy] I had a reason for feeling the way I do.

It all makes perfect sense but like all my issues, I know why I have them, I just don't know how to live with them and not let them take over.

Thanks willsurvivethis.

Are you okay now?

I am glad you got it !

I think diagnosis does help because, whilst it is not a cure, it does help us understand why we feel as we do.

And I hope, really hope, it helps you stop blaming yourself.

I always get the impression that you are frustrated with yourself for not being able to just 'pull yourself together'. I hope knowing that it is not that simple will help you be a little kinder to yourself Fab.

You need to take care of yourself.

Oh, I do get so cross with myself that I can't move on. I mean, fgs it has been years since I was abandoned, abused, etc etc etc.

But then I am believing the line that you should just pull yourself together if you have depression when I know different.

I know why I am the way I am for most of my weird ways. Just..

Hi FAB

Ok is a big word - I've just started work again after a six month break for therapy and an attempt to get myself back together, figure out who the h I really am and get on top of the worst of the PTSD symptoms and it is making me realise I'm not quite there yet.

But this is not all attachment issues, this is largely about the sexual abuse it left me wide open to and that was so bad I supressed it for 25 years, which means that despite having all the symptoms, memories and flashbacks that I still doubt myself

But I understand now why I've been waiting for the last 13 years for my dh (bless him) to b*gger off, I had a phobia of my ds dying (after all how else can a two year old leave me - helped by the fact he did nearly die as a newborn)and can't let even close friends near without simultaneously pushing them away (well they will leave me anyway so i best push them it hurts less that way ). My very close friend who's been a day and night rock through all this in the past year took to saying 'stop kicking I'm not going anywhere' - and he's had to prove himself so many times over the past years.

But it all makes sense now and often the feelings are still there, the fear of abandonment that is so overwhelming that I sit here and literally sob like a baby but now I know what it is and sooth myself and tell myself what is going on and that I haven't been abandoned and it actually helps.

Sorry this post is testament to why I shouldn't write things like this when overtired and somewhat emotional. Hope any of it makes sense.

wst - are you me? I was saying snap, snap, so much through your post.

I want to get away for a few days but I can't see how it will happen tbh.