Finally went to the GP - years too late perhaps?

[ChairmumMiaow]

I've known I need help with things for a long time. I have severe issues with my family and my childhood and really I've just repressed them. For many years I felt like the stability of my relationship has kept me together, and although I've had a few bad times, I've always pulled myself through them they have been there.

After some horrible serious relationship issues though, today I took the plunge and went. Burst into tears straight away and the GP referred me for counselling at the surgery and, after asking me what I wanted (I am 26wks pregnant), put me on anti-depressants. (I feel like I need something to stabilise me because I am no use to my 2yo DS at the moment.

Alongside this there are various things about me personally that I just thought were me, but talking to the GP and going through the questionnaire made me wonder how much of it was underlying depression. I'm the sort of person that throws myself into something when I have energy, works really hard at it for a while, and then something changes, or really I guess something in my snaps and my motivation is all gone. H has called me lazy in the past, and I have always said that I am just different to him, but now I am wondering whether it was just a milder symptom of all this. Something that I could brush off as within the realms of normal, but actually something that I have let control me by not getting help for it.

We have a family history of mental issues - bi-polar mother, brother with anger management issues and a sister with long term depression and a history of self-harm, and I've always wanted to be able to deny that I'm suffering too, but I think that it is too late for that.

I've posted separately about the relationship stuff but I now am sure that I have significantly contributed to the breakup of my marriage by never dealing with these things that must have worn down H for years. Its not just 'one of those things' that happen sometimes.

And the worst thing? Although it was hard to walk in there, once I started talking it was easy. The doctor was lovely and understanding and although I sobbed the whole time I felt like he was listening. Just knowing that I'm in the system has taken a bit of the pressure off.

I know the tablets will take some time to kick in, but I am hoping they will help me be less upset or angry while DS is around (most of the time).

Well done. I have been there and it is such a relief when a GP does something about it. I also have a family history of depression, and although it takes a lot to take that first step, when you do, something clicks into place and you can start to feel better.

Well done and good luck.

Its definitely a relief and I feel I've just done a more productive counselling email too (although I hope my face-to-face stuff comes round quickly). Wonder if I can maintain my more positive face when I collect DS from nursery and when H comes home.

It all sounds so very very familiar.

It could have been me writing that. It's never too late.

adelicatequestion - i really don't know with H - he says he doesn't love me any more, so I wonder how that will ever change I certainly can't change it for him so I am trying as hard as I can to sort myself out (for myself and my son, and this poor unborn baby) instead.

I am feeling a bit odd now. Nice to H all evening, managing to play with DS and despite feeling exhausted, doing bath and bedtime alone without stressing.

Not sure if this is genuine relief about finally seeing the dic or just another mood swing...

Be positive - you've done the difficult bit by seeing the doctor. I'm sure once you start getting proper help/counselling you will to continue to feel better. Enjoy the relief! I saw a counsellor last year - when I wasn't convinced I needed to see one, but the doctor correctly recognised my 'illnesses' as anxiety. I now feel much happier and less anxious. Good luck.