PND - did you get better with or without AD's and how long did it take?

[countrylover]

I'm feeling so exhausted of life, so guilty for not enjoying my children and so scared of the future.

A brief background -

I have always been a glass half full type of person, never ever felt low in my life. In fact I was always the one to look on the positive side of everything.

However I had PTSD and PND following the very traumatic birth of DS1. I took AD's on and off for a year but they never really got to the route of the problem. It took sessions of CBT when DS1 was 2.5 to really sort me out. After that I felt as if a weight had been lifted. I felt normal for the first time in years.

I then got pregnant with DS2 and spent nine months feeling fab. The first three months after he was born I was elated but then the PND creeped back in. DS2 is now ten months old and I've been having CBT for six months. I had six weeks before Christmas where I felt 'cured' but since then it's been an uphill struggle.

Every day I wake up and think, today I'm going to the doctors to get AD's and then I find so many reasons not to.

Can I get better on my own or should I just take the tablets and get rid of this horrible black cloud?

And how long did your PND last? Effectively mine lasted for 2.5 years - I just can't face that again ....

Please help..

countrylover hello! I can't help you with your query but thought I'd say hello as we met on my 'ahhhh sleep' thread. I am not taking ADs and my DS3 is still only 14 weeks so it is early days for me still. I am starting to feel a bit better (and sleeping a bit better but still very tired irrespective of how much or little sleep I get). I don't want to take ADs either so will be interested to see what other people reply to your post. Could it possibly be affected by the fact that this time of year is completely awful anyway if you felt 'cured' before Christmas? I don't know, just a though. I'm no expert at all as I've never had proper depression (also a glass is half full person).

I was told my by health visitor that you can get better on your own but that it takes a long time and you will be suffering unnecessarily.

I was very reluctant to take ADs. They did help me get better, but they weren't a "magic bullet" by any means. I got ill in January 08. I was still struggling by May. By August I could function pretty much normally but still didn't really feel myself. It was probably a full year before I felt fully better - and that was with ADs.

sounds like the CBT really helped you. Can you go over some of the stuff you learnt before and refresh it in your mind?

GDYWF - I'm still having the CBT and it does work but then I come crashing down again. Last week I had five consecutive days of feeling well and more importantly sleeping well. Now I've had two nights of rubbish sleep and my anxiety levels have shot through the roof again.

Is it worth persevering with the CBT or give in and take AD's? It's a question which goes round and round in my head at 3am that's for sure.

hey BBL - good to hear from you. I've been following your threads with interest. So glad that you're feeling a bit better through nothing more than a bit of paul mckenna and your lovely mum! my friend also really rates the mckenna thing for sleep. where did you buy it?

what is your fear in taking the ADs?

A big one for me was not being able to get off them.

But if you decide in your mind that you will be on them for a short time, and then when things stabilise and after a sensible period of being well you will try to wean yourself off them, then you may find it easier.

I have no intention of being on them for the rest of my life.

good question GDYWF - i'm not really sure. i guess last time i took them i was having a proper nervous breakdown and couldn't even look after DS1.

i suppose in my mind it means that i've reached rock bottom. also i guess i'm a bit concerned that if i feel better it will be a 'fake' feeling better.

the mistake i made last time is that as soon as i felt better then i would come off them. i know that this time i need to stay on them for a sustained period of time.

last time i was on dosulepin which really helped with my sleep too so i know they work.

grrr, maybe i should just go to my gp. i'm so bored of trying to work out what to do next to make me feel better. why can't i just be better and back to normal????

DS is 2.3, I went on AD's when he was about 6mo, and had counselling when he was 9mo.

I've just spoken to my GP about a plan to come off them (waiting until spring when it will be easier), so it'll be over 2 years. pretty confident I'm saying i'm over it, but we're planning #2 so sure it'll all come round again. At least this time I know better how to deal with it.

sorry - hit post too soon.

AD's have saved my life - once in my early 20's when I hit rock bottom, and after falling into the abyss that is PND after having DS.

I've always found that they keep the madness at arms length (sorry if not the best way to describe it), while I can sort through the issues. The give me a clear enough head to actually get on with life and resolve any problems, without making me numb to everything.

Why are worried about taking them?

hi im in a similar situation, 2 small children, been through a traumatic break up from ex husband 3 years ago which is still causing issues, struggleing with current relationship and cant fathom out what is causing me to be so down, anxious, stressed, paranoid, low self esteem and low confidence, never been like this before but been really up and down battleing with myself for 12 months now and im pretty much ready to give up and get anti depressents but what puts me off is
1 not being able to get off them
and my partner thinks its pathetic if i need them and im a looney, he is very unsupportive and does not help the situation, he just doesnt understand.
so i would feel even worse about myself for being on them.
last time i went to the doctors about how i was feeling he said" so did they say you are a crackpot? have you got some happy pills"
Just as i think im getting past it and feeling a little bit more relaxed and content about my future it comes crashing back down again and ive had enough of being on my own emotional roller coster.
so im in the same boat as you and read these replies with interest?
maybe i should get them and not tell dp?

Paul McKenna - you can get the CD and book from amazon. 'I can make you sleep' it is called. Not sure if he is hypnotising me or if I am falling asleep because his voice is so boring! But whatever more often than not I end up taking the earphones out at 1am and thinking 'crumbs I've been asleep!'

I would go to the GP, do you have a good one, I have a great female on. I has AD's with 2nd son, after stuggling like you for about 7 months.

I can best describe that the AD's stopped me from feeling like total crap each and evey day, gave me the ability to start afresh each day and get on with life without the feeling of lead boots and a hat iyswim.

I came off them after about a year no problem. I am glad I used them.

thanks for all your messages - carocaro which ones were you on?