I've been to the post office and back :-)

[iliveingroundhogday]

I pushed myself out of the house in tracksuit bottoms and trainers, big fat coat over the top of my jammie, wolly hat to hide my greasy, tangled hair (thank goodnes for the cold).

I thought I was gonna break down in tears all the way there but I didn't. I took the ipod advice from here and adapted it -I pulled my phone out and pretended I was on it so wouldn't have to talk to anyone on the way (it's a small town). Didn't pay the bills coz standing in the que made me feel nauseus, but I got there.

Also DH called and unmprompted said he was being a prick and apologised, which cheered me up.

I now feel a bit stronger, I wanna see what I can to deal with things. First I need to hire help for the office and the house, I don't need stress piling up.

Thank you ladies x

Yay well done for taking that first step you did really well.

LittleMarshmallow, how are you these days?

Is it normal for me to think I deserve to be dead during the morning and suddenly get a surge of strength in the afternoon and knowing I can deal with this, only to break down again in the evening?

Sorry I don't know your circumstances, but it sounds like you've been through a hard time. You did well to get out. How do you feel now?

I am ok, well I have made steps. I wake up feeling ok, but then I am scared as I know I am going to fall down it is just a matter of time, and each time I do I am shocked at how quickly it happened and what set me off. So I am the opposite of you but I dont think it is normal.

What you could do is try and plan a distraction for when you feel rubbish or do something for your self to cheer yourself up.

I just skimmed through your other threads, sorry you're feeling so low, I can sympathise. I went through a pretty bad patch recently myself. I felt trapped and unfulfilled, perceived myself as being stuck with a toddler who did nothing but wreck the house and scream for attention I was too depressed to give.

I wasn't seeing anyone or doing anything, had nothing to look forward to, and every day was an endless round of dirty nappies, making food he would refuse, and stopping him from causing mischief all the time. The only relief I had from that was cleaning, which is no relief!

I'm feeling much better now, not brilliant but better. Here's some things which helped:

• I found some local mums online, and met up with them at playgroups etc

-I force myself to go to playgroups as much as I can during the week as it makes me feel much less guilty and wears ds out and lets him spend time with other children.

• My ds spends (currently) two hours a week alone at pre-school, which will soon increase to six hours. It's only two hours but knowing you have child free time coming really helps.

• I have homestart help - perhaps they have a similar scheme in Greece? A lady who comes round once a week for a couple of hours to chat, help with ds, play with him, help me out etc. (I'm also 28 weeks pg so it's more with an eye to the future when I'm heavily pg and can do less with him)

• I asked for a therapy referral from my GP and started a course of cognitive behavioural therapy which is helping me to re-evaluate what I think a good mum is, and help me to do my best rather than try to be perfect.

• I am also trying to keep on top of a few small things such as tooth brushing, laundry, tidying toys away at night, keeping the house smelling nice. It's not much but it helps me feel more in control.

Sorry to hear about this LM, but glad you have made steps. Are you a SAHM, WOHM, WAHM?

And sorry to everyone who has supported me in the last couple of days for not asking about them at all, but I was in a right state.

James, the kids attend a nursery, I run my own business and it's a job that requires a lot of energy. basically I run a construction company, so I have an office job for paperwork, client appointments, paying staff etc. I keep an eye on the building site, I run around for meetings with banks, engineers, contractors and what ever needs doing, I go to find and get quotes on materials, and only typing this out right now is exhausting me.

I think I have taken on too much and the truth is that the company paralises if I have to take time off. Something I need to change, even if it lowers my yearly profit.

I have found a CBT course on line sponsored by the NHS and thought I'd give it a go.

BTW, congratulations on your pg. I hope the thought of brand new tiny feet can make you smile even when at your lowest

ILive I work full time and ds goes to a nursery full time, I am studying at uni part time. I am a single parent to ds.

dear, you seem to have a lot on your plate LM

I will get there, mumsnet has been my lifeline recently and there are lovely people here [shhh dont tell them ]

How are you getting on?