Not feeling right- struggle with ADs. can anyone advise?

[wheresmypaddle]

Hi there, I have been reading the threads of some MNers who are struggling recently and it has made me realise that maybe things aren't quite right. I know I am feeling down but haven't been able to snap out of it and now realise I am maybe a bit depressed (sorry for the label in light of recent thread, just seems like a good description).

I want to sort myself out but lack real motivation. I tried ADs when struggling with life when DS was about 1.5 (brief seperation with DP was a difficult time) but they affected me very strangely- I couldn't eat or sleep, got the shakes became paranoid, felt panicky. I realise they are good for some people but I went from feeling very down but coping to a quivering wreck who could barely care for herself let alone her son.

My GPs waiting list for counselling is 5months and although I find talking very helpful I don't feel like I should be taking up their time when I am just very down rather than coming to terms with something really tough. I can't afford to pay for any therapy- its quite expensive I think.

I just feel so fed up at times, constantly want to rest / sleep, can't get motivated. Don't know why I'm posting really as I know only I can help myself.

I am working today but will check in ASAP to see if anyone has a magic wand for me!!

Hi sorry you are feeling so down. I don't have any huge pearls of wisdom unfortunately.
You could try GP again. Did you only try one type of AD? They are all different and you may have to try more than one to find one that works for you.
I take St Johns Wort which works great for me but can work out a bit pricey, won't leave you feelin out of it though.
Juggling work, kids and relationships is hard work and we all need a bit of support from time to time. Stay on the waiting list for the councelling it is worth a try.
Do you have any one that could help you out and give you some time for yourself?

thank you for replying topsi. I will try the st johns wort thanks 4 the suggestion.

I find asking 4 help with DS quite tough especially as DP & my mum already have him for a day each per week so I can work (he goes to nursery on the other day). Think I need to ask (demand) more help from DP. Thing is when I do get time to myself I just sit in bed or on the sofa and then hate myself for getting nothing done.

People on the outside would think I am lazy but the truth is sometimes I just can't face the day. Plus I am an award winning procrastinator!!

I tried talking to my mum earlier but she was very full of negativity herself (I ended up trying to cheer her up), she is lovely but our conversation has got me thinking that she is a glass half empty type person, who is naturally very critical. I am scared I will become one too.

Depression can make you feel exhausted and unmotivated. I just try and go with the flow some days I feel up to house work and others I don't. On the days that I do, great, I get on and do what I can. On a bad day I try and do the basics but try not to beat myself up about it and remind myself that in a couple of days I might feel better.
It is easy for other to see you as lazy, I know its what my DH thinks of me, but it realy is a symptom of depression.
Private therapy can be expensive but could be worth it if you can afford it.
With the SJW just remember you need to start at 900 mg a day which is 3 of the one a day tablets.

Hi wheresmypaddle, can I just ask, was it citalopram they tried you on?
The reason I ask is that I was started on that one and I had a very horrible reaction too - really bad anxiety, vomiting, extreme dry mouth, couldn't sleep etc. I had to stop taking them after 3 days as they made me feel so awful..
I assumed that I was intolerant to all ADs and that I just had to put up with my depression.

However, I tried a couple of others and have now found mirtazapine which suits me really well. I don't really have any side effects at all. I think it would be worth you asking to try a different one rather than ruling out ADs altogether. You don't need to suffer this way.
x

Topsi thanks for helping me feel less lazy. Like your DH I think my DS struggles to understand where my motivation has disappeared to, and thinks I need to stop sleeping and start doing. Thank you for the advice on SJW, I will bear that in mind.

Getdownoryouwillfall I'm not sure what brand of ADs I took, I could ask my surgery to check my notes. Now you mention it I did have a horribly dry mouth. Part of me is tempted to ask my GP about trying something else, but the last time really frightened me. Only three days in I had the most terrifying negative thoughts about ending my life, GP said it was all in my head (& that she didn't believe it was caused by the pills) but I don't want to have another night like that. I will make a note of the type you suggest, I'm glad you found something to help you.

Topsi thanks for helping me feel less lazy. Like your DH I think my DS struggles to understand where my motivation has disappeared to, and thinks I need to stop sleeping and start doing. Thank you for the advice on SJW, I will bear that in mind.

Getdownoryouwillfall I'm not sure what brand of ADs I took, I could ask my surgery to check my notes. Now you mention it I did have a horribly dry mouth. Part of me is tempted to ask my GP about trying something else, but the last time really frightened me. Only three days in I had the most terrifying negative thoughts about ending my life, GP said it was all in my head (& that she didn't believe it was caused by the pills) but I don't want to have another night like that. I will make a note of the type you suggest, I'm glad you found something to help you.

I was on effexor a while back for a short time and it made me feel dead inside and lots of bad thoughts. Also another type that made me feel so drowsey I just couldn't be bothered with life.
In some people certain AD will cause an worsening of the depression and can increase suicidal thoughts, so your GP's comments about it all being in your head are very short sighted and a little ignorant to be honest.
Can you see a different Dr some of them may have a particular interest in mental health. OR, demand to be seen by the mental health team!