My DP is depressed. Help!

[amber1979]

I really, really do not know how to cope with this. I'm hoping that somebody who has been there - either coping with someone with depression or having suffered depression themselves - can give me some pointers.

I'm at the end of my tether. My DP was signed off sick with depression last October. From what I can see his depression has niether improved or worsened since. The main form his depression appears to take, is not being able to cope with stressful situations such as work (he was going through the disciplinary process when he was signed off) claiming benefits, looking after himself domestically and dealing with crowds.

He is still quite able to do things with his friends, go clubbing etc and we still have fun together. Before all of this happened, we we're in the process of buying a house, TTC etc (how I ended up on these forums).

I have also been made redundant. DP wants me to spend all day lying around watching DVD's and having sex, which while nice, I have applications to get through, phone calls to make - I don't want to be unemployed. He just seems to want to live like a student.

He's been on AD's since October, but has decided they don't work so is in the process of changing to a different sort. He is also getting counselling.

I admit I am slightly biased against the whole psychiatric (sp?) industry due to some very negative experiences when I was younger. I do however understand that he has an illness which he cannot control and needs help. I'm doing my best to be supportive and understanding, but emotionally and finacially he is draining me. If I could just get him to apply for the benefits he is entitled to and occasionlly pick up after himself, it would help.

Can anybody help me? Thank you.

Hi.
I believe that you are what you eat.
I read recently on a very clever website www.westonaprice.orgthat any mental disorder comes from a gut problems.

Try and cook non starchy food for a while. No potatoes, cereal, rice, pastas or bread. I'm sure it will make a big difference but I can't say how long it might take (maybe 1 or 2 weeks) before he starts feeling a bit more energetic and himself again. But keep it up for as long as you can and make him more stable with yogurt and probiotic type food.
Some food are easier to digest if they have first been through a fermentation process : so you can have sour dough bread and if you prepare the cereal(porridge oat) in the evening with (raw) milk he should be ok to eat it in the morning.
Compensate with a bit more fat in your cooking and it will do you both a fever. You can eat the same it won't be a problem.

Good luck

If only it were that simple lol Cheers anyway.

Hi Amber - hmm don't know about the post about food - sounds a bit strange to me.

However on the issue of your DP I wonder if what he is going through is in fact depression as such. I think sometimes when we are emotionally distressed for whatever reason and see a GP, they label it as "depression" and prescribe pills. You say he has an illness that he cannot control - I don't really agree with this.

I have suffered from severe depression in the past and in my experience it can't be "turned on and off" as in being ok to go clubbing with nmates (incidentally you say he can't cope with crowds, but clubbing surely involves crowds). Sorry but it sounds to me like your P has just fallen into a rut of taking life easy and not facing up to responsibilites (like looking for work) and picking and choosing what he can and cannot do because of his "illness"

Are there any issues in his past which could have given rise to some kind of emotional distress (apart from the problems at work)which could be helped by therapy.

I think it's time for some straight talking. I have every sympathy with people suffering from depression as it really is a horrible horrible feeling to have, but to be honest your description of your P doesn't sound to me like someone who is depressed.

One of the main symptoms of depression is anhedonia - which basically means inability to take pleasure in life.
If your dp is going out clubbing, still has a laugh, still has a libido etc I would be quite sceptical as to the diagnosis (work in mental helath btw)
It seems as if he has opted out of his responsibilites. I understand you want to be supportive but I would definitely start to put some boundaries in place.

He needs to stop avoiding and start doing, and it sounds as if this is well under his control

Thank you Nina, that post was a bit odd. It almost ran like an advert for the site it linked too... hmmm.

I have tried to talk to him about the picking and choosing bit. His explanation was that he needed to get used to doing the less stressful things (fun things) before he "builds up" to the more stressful things - like sorting out the finacial things etc. I'm not sure what to make of this.

He did have a difficult childhood. His parents broke up when he was very young, his family in general seems to have fought constantly and he never speaks to his father or half brothers.

I was actually considering giving him an ultimatium - either sort out your benefits or go back to work (even one day a week) by the end of the month or I have to let him go. Is this a crazy idea? Am I being a total cow? I do love him to bits, but I won't live like this forever.

He also says that I don't see most of the depression, as he feels better when I'm around. Which while quite sweet in a way, does make me wonder.

The other aspect of his illness, is his temper. He has never, ever been violent or directed his temper at me. Just thought I'd state that first.

If things go wrong - talking to the benefits office on the phone for example - he gets bloody furious to the point he can barely breathe. If the computer goes wrong he'll start screaming and swearing at it.

Sorry to go on ladies, but I'm finding this very cathartic!

Amber.....this is very selective 'depression'!! think he's got you where he wants you

what meds is he on??

He was on Citalopram. They've moved him onto Sertraline hydrochloride, sometimes know as Zoloft this week. I'm holding off on any serious talking untill the transfer is complete regarding withdrawal/side effects etc.

He's a big man so it generally takes a big dose for any kind of drug to take effect.

What were side effects on citalopram

what kind of counselling is he getting?

what are they telling him?

has the counsellor asked to see you as well?