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Any advice on getting a child over a trauma?

5 replies

Milliways · 17/02/2010 20:37

We had an arson attack on our car last week. DH was away so it was me & DS at home - and DS sleeps downstairs so fire was clearly visible through his window.

He was terrified, and I had to leave him alone during fire whilst I went down the drive to try & wane at Fire Brigade (we are set back from road and all houses are Names, not numbers)

Fire Brigade took a while due to arsonists having a fun night . Tyres exploded etc whilst DS stood in doorway watching.

He then heard police talking about "months of fires every night" in last spate of attacks.

Now, whenever we are asked about it, he cries.

We went away for 2 nights and when we came back the burnt car was still there!! Was supposed to have been collected. DS was upset and last night burst into our room too scared to be downstairs and so slept with us.

He is 14. He does not want to talk about it. I have suggested a friend who is a counsellor, but he says no (unless he doesn't "get better" in a few days).

Any suggestions? SHould I try & make him talk about it, or just let it fade? Obviously, we are still dealing with insurance, a ruined carpet inside, a marked driveay etc etc, so hard to ignore.

Just wish the arsonists were made to see what damage they have done to a child.

OP posts:
wonderingwondering · 17/02/2010 20:45

Talk about it, put it in perspective: it has never happened before, it is unlikely to happen again. No-one was hurt. But yes, it is unpleasant and it is OK to be upset and shaken.

I had similar with my DS (much younger, a pre-schooler) when a car left the pavement and drove towards us. Not intentional, but left us all shaken, and he was very upset for a few days - then nothing for months, then he mentioned it again. So obviously made an impression, poor little thing. But my initial reaction was to gloss over it and make light of it - 'oh, silly man in that car, we're all OK' but that didn't reassure him at all.

Milliways · 17/02/2010 21:06

Thanks.

I will persevere as he just says he "knows he is being silly but doesn't want to talk" even though I try & say he will probably feel better for it.

At least it is half term now so we have lots of time together (Soooo lad I have the week off)

OP posts:
willsurvivethis · 17/02/2010 22:51

These days the golden rule is to not make trauma victims talk immediately, it doesn't actually always help. Most people will be able to give things a place in a normal time scale (about two months). If it still bothers your ds then it would be a good time to get a bit serious about seeking some counselling.

Boco · 17/02/2010 22:55

What a horrible thing to happen. I hope your ds feels better very soon. I think it would be totally normal to be pretty normal to be traumatized for a while - i guess if it's still very troubling for him in a few weeks then it would be time to find someone for him to talk to, but for now his reaction is totally normal.

Boco · 17/02/2010 22:56

I'm sorry i'm being distracted by a really weird russian film and that post was ridiculously over filled with the word normal and didnt' really make much sense.

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