Argh, hope it isn't coming back

[Sheslosingit]

i was really ill after DD1 (depression, anxiety, highs and lows like bipolar, auditory and visual hallucinations, paranoid thoughts, all sorts basically) but haven't been in mental hospital since december 08 and have been off meds since I was about 2 or 3 months pregnant with DD2 (born in November 09).

I'm starting to get more and more anxious, having odd, intense dreams, keep finding myself thinking people are plotting against me (but I know what is going on, so not so bad, iyswim).

It's not so bad now, but I'm worried that these are all the signs I used to get before a relapse.

And I just noticed the time. DD1 and DP are asleep, the baby is just settling down, but I am getting more and more het up. My breathing is quicker and my heart is beating.

BLOODY HELL. NOT FAIR. I DO NOT WANT TO BE ILL.

i don't remember much of dd1s life till the age of two because of this stupid illness. I had to stop bf, she spent loads of time at my mums because i was just incapable of looking after her

Should I dig out the number of the MHT and see if they have a 24 hour thing, to kind of get how i feel now on record as I always just shrug and say "fine" when they ask me how I am? Or is that just asking for trouble?

The old team had a 24 hour thing, although i think they just kept sending out ambulances, but i don't think i need an ambulance, i need to calm down. I feel like running off somewhere but the fact that i bf is keeping me here with the baby.

would there be a 24 hour number online? Is there a charity one if not? Not going to ring nhs direct, ime I might as well go galloping down the street naked, mention hallucinations an they think you are about to shoot everyone.

If you're feeling really anxious can you wake your DP up :/

deep breaths and ring the Samaritans 08457 90 90 90

Ther should be a 24 hour number for a crisis team somewhere.

Calm down though. Feeling anxious does not mean your having a relapse. It's just a wobble. Don't panic xx

just rang the crisis number he said to wale up dp and see if talking to him calms me down

stupid ideas keep coming in my head but i can keep them under control now but they are getting bigger

scared to go up the stairs don't know what is there but it is scary. shaking. got to get to dp to give him the baby at least

Oh love. Keep typing on here if it helps. I'm at work at the moment and I've got to go and check a load of old ladies now so I'm going to dissapear for z bit. I'll be back though in a bit.

I suffered with horrible anxiety after having my son and it got worse and worse and worse untill I started talking about it. I still have it now, I don't really think it ever goes completly but now when I get panicky I tell him and he takes the piss out of me mainly but it helps just to get it out. Do go and wake your dh, you need somone with you.

Sorry 'him' is my other half.

I'm barely functioning at 4 am

Are you alright sheslosingit

Hi..are you ok?

Are you ok ?

hi, I did get up to dp and he calmed me down enough to get some sleep. Feeling better this morning, still shaky but much more able to cope. Today is a cbeebies day I feel...

Thankyou so much for your help. I'm going to go back to my normal username now, but I know this one is here if I need it, and that is a great help.

Go to the GP though...You are very wise and well enough at the moment to know that there are things that are not right with how you are thinking and feeling. At this point, you can take charge of your tomorrows and deal with it. Well done for getting through a tough night..a cbeebies day? Can I come over!!