Hoe to let go of anger and your barriers down?

[sb9]

As the title says? I am working on this with my counseller as i have a protective barrier up from being hurt by people. She thinks i am not enjoying life as i have this wall. How do i let it down though. I dont know how and i cant go for counselling much longer as its too expensive....

Any help appreciated!

Protection mechanisms are interesting things and very stubborn. I should know I have about a million .

Do you 'feel' the barrier? Do you feel it go up when you don''t feel safe?

For me letting go of protection mechanism is going in stages: understanding why I have them/need them comes first, then becoming aware of them being there, then becoming aware of me deploying them, then being able to decide not to use them and deal with the situation.

Question is also whether you still need the barrier now or whether it is a relic from another time that just stuck. If it is the former you will need to learn some strategies first before you can let go.

I feel the barrier a lot i think it started off to protect me from certain people but now seems to be there for life in general.
I do feel it increasing though when i feel hurt or unsafe and also feel i am holding onto it as if i let it down then people will think its ok to treat me how they have. I suppose half of it is to punish people who have hurt me by now being emotionally available.

But it is hurting me as i am not feeling anything, joy etc which is not good!

Do you feel able to say any more about the hurting that you've experienced? What people have done to make you upset enough to create a barrier?

Was it as an adult or as a child?

As a child and adult. Long story but just been hurt by parents and sibling. I am an emotional person but have kept my feelings to myself. But after a particular incident it all came flooding out and i feel i dont ever want to b hurt again.

In short a messy divorce when i was a child which meant my family went off the rails, i felt i held people togather and was sensible etc so there wasnt any time for me to explore my feelings. I have felt like a scapegoat when it comes to things in the family and feel like i finally stood my ground and said no.

Problem is its like a denial that its me not them. Although wveryone is fine now i feel a resentment and distance from them

Hope it kind of makes sense?!