Depressed? - Long post sorry

[justseriousordepressed]

Name changed sorry but am a regular on a couple of threads and I want to keep this separate.
I am starting to think I am depressed. To give a bit of background my Dad has suffered from severe clinical depression for over 20 years now which he has pretty much got under control with medication, intensive therapy in the past and his personal efforts to overcome it. I have always believed that depression is an illness due to what I have witnessed first hand but I think the example I witnessed from him was so severe (was sectioned etc etc)that I have always brushed off thoughts that I may suffer as I am no where near as bad as he was if that makes sense.Anyway I have been feeling low, miserable etc for probably a year now, interspersed with some good periods but overall if I look at the last year most of it felt dark.I have been feeling incredibly anxious, not panic attacks but always on edge, waiting for what could go wrong and if something does happen I am thrown completely and am unable to function-eg usual reaction is to lay on the bed unable to think about anything else, concentrate or do anything until the cause of the anxiety has passed. I think morbid thoughts a lot (I dont feel suicidal though), am preoccupied with death and illness, am always plagued with anxiety that something awful is going to happen to a loved one (eg if I text my Mum and she doesnt respond immediately I start thinking she has died or something else awful has happened).I work from home in a freelance sales role and that in itself brings a lot of stress as financially I always feel on a knife edge. It's not a job I can change though as I live abroad, need to earn a certain amount of money as am main breadwinner and other opportunities for me are non existant). I have a DP I adore, a DS who I love more than anything and some good friends but I feel isolated.I don't talk to any of them about it as I don't want anyone to dig too deep. I tick a lot of the boxes I have seen on various sites for depression. I have always felt quite isolated from people though and have always been a worrier. I can recall the times I have felt happy quite easily as they don't seem that frequent.
Anyway am sorry about the length of this post. I want to know if anyone has felt the same and been diagnosed as depressed. As I said the example I have witnessed of depression was so severe I am struggling to reconcile how I feel with that. I just know am sick of feeling so serious, sad and anxious all the time and think maybe I should go to see my doctor. I am fluent in the local language but it is not the same as if I was talking in English so I think that's another reason I want to use MN as a sounding board first.Thanks for reading.

I'm not an expert but have had similar feelings to yourself. My doctor said I was depressed though I never have felt suicidal. He prescribed AD but I only ever took one as it made me so sick.

I have had terrible anxiety and it took over my life completely. I have been having CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) and going to a hypnotherapist and it is working, slowly and surely. Not a 100% yet but getting there.

Sounds like you're having a difficult time. Depression can come in many different forms and doesn't have to end in being sectioned. When I felt very low I used CBT too and I can't recommend highly enough. It helped me enormously.

I saw an interesting article on PND which had some good natural suggestions. Maybe worth a look wp.me/pFWj1-up

Hope you see the light soon.

I think there are many shades and degrees of depression, it's not always easy to know if you have it.

If you feel that your anxiety is starting to affect your day to day life, then I'd say it is slipping into the realm of needing treatment (be it counselling or medication).

Agree you would find CBT helpful for the anxiety, even if you don't go down the GP or medication route.

Thanks for your posts. It is definitely affecting day to day life, I keep waiting for it to pass and have read loads re CBT, start off with great intentions but don't seem to be able to do it in practice as my moods seem to overwhelm the logic in the CBT. I am starting to think that maybe I need meds to get on an even keel so I can start dealing with the anxiety and the lack of enjoyment in life by other means.

Have you done CBT before then? Or do you mean you've read about it?

havent done it properly with a trained person. Have read about it and tried to put exercises and advice into practice and am fired up for a day and then my mood overtakes any enthusiasm or something happens to trigger the anxiety and I react as always. I read an article about depression the other day which really struck a chord with me and I started really thinking about the fact for the first time that maybe I don't have to feel like this all the time and maybe there is something I could do/take to stop it.

It's very different going to see someone rather than reading about it. They can react to your particular situation and worries so is more effective for that reason.

I have had very bad anxiety in the past. Have been on meds and have also gone the counselling route a couple of times. Just speaking from personal experience, the counselling definitely worked on its own for me without any medication so I'd be tempted to do that first. And then if no joy, try the meds.

went to docs yesterday after spending the last 2 days in tears. Burst into tears in her surgery and she has prescribed me cipralex and referred me for counselling so will see. I couldn't wait til this morn so I could take my first tablet! First time have wanted to get out of bed for a long time. Fingers crossed they work.
Thanks again for your posts the other day.

justserious....it sounds like depression to me.

The AD's might make you feel crap for a bit but IME it has been worth seeing the first few weeks through to let them kick in.

Can you try writing? Until counselling starts. Many counsellors recommend it to get the thoughts 'out' rather than internalising them.

I am having counselling and can I just suggest that on that day you try to make time to pamper yourself? whether it is a coffee somewhere or an early night with a DVD. It can be really tough. I decided to go through with it all to try and 'open up' the rest of my life as I have suffered with depression on and off since my teens and I am learning to try to take control, rather than it controlling me.

Be kind to yourself and think of the point where it starts to lift and you are freer of the feelings that are troubling you...Good luck x

I suffered a horrible bout of PPD when I had DS1. I basically went from a high-powered job and twice daily exercise to stuck at home feeling like a lump and lost it completely. It was the most awful, isolating experience. It's amazing how feeling bad can make you feel bad. I kept beating myself about being depressed, slapping (and punching, scratching, bashing) myself for being a whining, wimpy loser and generally making things worse by being brutal to myself.

I eventually got help though it took me a while. Six years later I can't say that I am completely over it - I have always been fiercely independent and in control so spinning out like that has shaken my confidence in my ability to cope - but at least I have learned to manage those moments of sadness. If I feel down I exercise, call a friend, start a project, play with my boys and/or treat myself. I think my shopping should be tax deductible because it is a medically required therapeutic treatment.

It's great that you had the strength to reach out and talk to people and I am so glad you're getting help. The good news is that it does get better and doing something about it puts you in charge. I hope it works out and you get well soon.