Anxiety - help needed fast

[Showmeheaven]

Hi everyone, my over-bearing and dominating sister has asked to meet tomorrow to talk about "unsolved issues". She didn't want to discuss it over the phone because she deemed it "too awkward".

I can feel the anxiety rising in my chest at the very thought, as there is a very good chance it will develop into an argument.

I don't have time to get to the doc and I have tried rescue remedy in the past, but it does nothing for me.

Can anyone recommend anything that I take before I meet her. I so stressed just thinking about it.

Thanks.

I take aconite when stressed. It's a homeopathic remedy,so total bollocks in some peoples' eyes but it works for me. You can get it at boots.
Take alongside rescue remedy, they work well together.
Also drink chamomile tea, take Kalms or have a glass of wine.
Do you have to go? Obviously I don't know your situation but if this is stressing you out so much, don't meet her. If she doesn't want to discuss it over the phone she can e-mail you or write you a letter.
It's a bit mean to ask to meet someone and not say what it's about. Any chance she knows how anxious this will make you feel? Any chance she's doing it on prupose.
Sorry for the cod-psychology, it just sounds a bit familiar to me.

And for general every day anxiety I had a course of hypnotherapy and it was wonderful. Life changing in fact, my stomach no longer lurches when I wake in the morning!

I take Relora (herbal remedy) for anxiety. You could probably get it in a really good health food place but I get it on-line.

Hairymelons, out of interest, did you go via your GP for the hypnotherapy? Know that 'lurching' feeling well.

Has she asked to meet or told you to? It seems to me more than herbal supplements (I swear by RR by the way) you need to look at ways of getting yourself off the back foot and meet her as an equal.

Whatever it is, the fact that she wants to talk to you only means you have to listen. You do not need to respond, you can think about things, you can refuse to enter into an argument.

To calm yourself down sit on a straight backed chair and breath in for two seconds, out for 3 or four and count the seconds, focus on the breaths, let your tummy move in and out. When you sit down to talk to her have both feet planted on the floor and it can help to hold something like your car keys as it can help you feel that you are in control and you can leave if you choose.

Good luck with it

Second HairyMelons on aconite - it works especially well for being afraid to go to the dentist so may be comparable . Nelson's Aconite pillules are very easy to get from Boots or Holland and Barratts.

Thank you everyone, I will try to get Aconite and I'm just across the road from a Boots and I don't have the time to source anything else at this stage.

She actually rang me and was going to discuss it over the phone, but when I told her dh was home from work today, she said she wouldn't discuss it and asked me to phone her tomorrow.

This makes me think it has something to do with dh (who she has never liked). That doesn't bother me too much because she dislikes most of the family anyway (especially in-laws).

She has a partner, is unable to have children. I am closest in age to her, and she adores my kids (who she is very good to) and I have tried my best to maintain contact/good relations with her over the years because of the kids. But she is difficult, always has been, she calls the shots. She is highly intelligent and is right most of the time and doesn't suffer fools gladly. If you don't agree with her, there can be consequences (she cut contact with our sisters a couple of years ago and vows to never speak with them again).

A lot of things have gone on, too many to mention really. I know I'm not doing myself any favours by not standing up her, but it is SO difficult - at times its nearly easier to agree with her in order to keep the peace. Its always been like this, since we were young, so she is never going to change.

Castlesintheair, I couldn't have waited for an NHS appointment so I paid. A friend recommended the chap I saw but I think most of them do a free initial consultation so you can 'shop around' til you find one you like.

He hit on one particular technique which has really done the trick for me- he told me, under hypnosis, that every time I had a thought that would make me anxious I'd see a big red STOP, count to 3 and it would disappear. Much more effective than trying to reason with yourself.

Sorry for the hijack, showmeheaven. It sounds like an awful situation. My oldest sister is somewhat opinionated and overbearing but not to that degree. It must be awful having the threat of being cut out hanging over you. It sounds a bit like bullying actually.

It's so hard with family members. I know I don't say what I want to say to my sister to keep the peace. However, it might be worth considering that, even if they don't see it now, your kids will be probably be aware one day of how she treats you. She might even try the same kinds of manipulative techniques with them. Sorry if that's an awful thing to say, but it crosses my mind from time to time about myself. I don't want my DS to see me being 'bullied' and accepting it for obvious reasons.

And, would just add that it's unlikely that she is right most of the time. She is probably really good at arguing her case, and it's also possible that most people in her life can't be arsed disagreeing with her because of the grief that ensues. Which would give her the appearance of being right when she is just stroppy.

Really sorry if I'm off the mark. Good luck for tomorrow

No, Hairy you are pretty close to the mark! It is a form of bullying, no doubt. She is very self rightous and believes her way is the only way. She is on the war-path over something tho, and my intuition tells me it isn't old issues, its something new, probably some complaint she has about my dh.

I wasn't able to get Aconite in my local Boots so I got Quiet Life tabs and Camomile Tea. I took the maximum dose allowed and by last night I was feeling so much better. The knots in my stomach had gone and I was able to breath. I felt stronger and more able to tackle her, so I sent a text saying I didn't want to discuss any "old issues". She texted back saying "No need to discuss, drop by this morning for a coffee". I told her I wasn't able to as I was visiting a friend in hosp (true). She texted back saying "this is more important, give me a call from the car". I won't call her and I will ignore further texts.

She is stewing over something. I don't want to antagonise her further, but I don't want to get into any form of discussion with her.

If she persists, I was thinking of texting "sorry, but I can't discuss any issues that cause me anxiety, doctors orders".

What do you all think ????

If you say it's doctors orders you are making excuses and you don't need to. Her behaviour is out of order, 'this is more important text me from the car' indeed how dare she.

I think you should text her and say 'If you need to talk to me call me and we will sort out a time that suits us both'

So true Willsurvive. I shouldn't need an excuse and like most bullys, if you stand up to them they generally back down. I don't want to meet up so I won't text her again.

Glad you are starting to feel better.
Do you think this will go away if you ignore her texts/ don't respond? If you think she might use it as ammunition later on, I would consider texting what willsurvive suggested so she knows you're not avoiding her but that you won't be pushed around by her.
Again, ignore me if I'm talking pony.
Good luck anyway.