Spiralling into a serious depression...

[Janos]

This has also been posted in relationships but thought this might be a better spot..?

First off I know that title sounds wetter than wet and some folk will be rolling their eyes around (fair enough) but I would like to ask some advice.

Ok, some background. Sorry if things sound a bit disjointed.

Some posters will be aware of this already but last year I had to go through a court case to get residence of DS (5), who I absolutely love to bits.

This was a last resort action taken because of behaviour by XP. we had shared care sadly that was not working. Needless to say this was very draining and stressful.

Now, I have a couple of good friends up here (not loads, I am not the madly sociable type) but apart from that not too much practical support, as my family are around 100 miles away. Must add that they are lovely and very helpful.

I also work p-t. 30 hours a week, without giving too much detail though when I do work, I'm doing full time hours. Basically I;m up at 6.30 in the morning and back about six in the evening. It's exhausting.

The job isn't great pay and I get bit of a top up from tax credits, plus help with childcare. For various reasons the job is getting me down a lot. I'd like to move on but opportunities are limited where I am. Money is a worry. XP also refuses to pay maintenance, (CSA been involved, before you ask, useless bunch).

Now, XP has DS 2 nights a week currently which means I do get a chance to rest and time to myself, though I miss DS desperately when he's not here. Now I have always enjoyed getting out and about - used to just enjoy doing stuff. Now, I can barely be bothered to leave the house. I used to enjoy dating and now I can barely be bothered to even look at men because I think what is the point.

I'm also eating way too much as it feels like food is the only pleasure I have right now. Doesn't that sound just awful?

Now, I would normally be straight to docs as I believe ADs can be helpful in the right situation, and it's a good starting point of course.

However, last time I did this XP had it bought up in the court case to try and 'prove' I was some sort of mad depressive who wasn't fit to look after a child (I had bad PND). So I'm wary and scared of going back again as XP would love for me to mess up so he can get control of DS. This is not me being paranoid, he is entirely capable.

So what is the best way forward? I don't think I'm being the best mum I can be to DS right now because of this and to be honest I just feel utterly exhausted.

Blimey I sound very sorry for myself don't I! And that is not my normal mindset at all. I have had these feelings before and have come out the other side but now they are not going away.

My god what an essay! Anyway, any help and advice would be gratefully received at the moment. Thank you for listening.

Hi,
sounds a tough time you gone through. No, you don't sound sorry for yourself at all.

Have you heard of using the HALT technique to try and prevent downward spirals?
H = Hungry
A = angry/anxious
L = lonely
T = tired/thirsty

if any of those ring true, then our body "halts, goes low" etc. Could you analyse what changes you could make to help your mood?

Could you go to Gp and seek advice, or would even that be made knowledge in court? I am a great believer that if medication is used, to prevent problem then "there is no problem "(now I know that is not the case with depression always, but it shows a pro-active person, taking care of self and therefore better able to look after child).

Money sounds a stress - though don't know how to get ex to support. Surely that would not look good in court - refusal to finance own child?

Thank you Kezia. I haven't heard of HALT. That sounds really useful. Are there any resources out there on the internet?

You are probably right about the doctor. My fear of doing this is because it was used against me before and therefore might not be rational.

You are right about the maintenance...he is the sort to have a convincing excuse for everything though!

Money really is not the biggest issue though I think. I can manage, just about. Would just like not to have to 'just manage' IYSWIM?

Thanks again for taking the time to respond.

That is ok Janos - you could contact Mind for advice maybe? They can be really helpful to talk to,just search for your area number and maybe try phoning them? They provide an advocate to go with you to meetings if need be etc. Not used them myself but one friend has and rated them highly.

Also perhaps look for charity groups that offer support for depression, single parents etc - they then cannot pass anything on to your medical/legal team.

Just thinking outloud here ...