Apologies for the long post
I keep getting flight or fight - used to threaten to be a pannic attack that I would control with breathing and often dh help. I have the outward stuff so controlled now noone else - not even dh can tell. There is no pattern, no reason nothing but I get them at least 6 times a day lasting anything from 30 seconds to 5 minutes - might not sound like long but it is very wearing.
Was in therapy but my therapist left, have a copy of the notes she made and they are so inaccurate they are laughable. I wasn't making much progress anyway and was getting much better results with EMDR, which no one will fund now. I tried to see the GP who would be able to give me the OK but as he is upstairs at the practice and won't come down to me and I'm not able to go upstairs it's just got stupid.
I don't really want to go back becasue if they can be so off the mark what is the point. I was reffered about 5 times over the course of a month to the CMHT about 5 months ago - but the consultant psychologist only made an appointment to see me 2 weeks ago, and being 37 weeks pregnant by then with very bad mobility I had to cancel and they havn't got back in touch to make a new appt. I'm now 39 weeks and really don't see the point. They've left it blummin late now.
I'm just tired of fighting for support and trying to get well. I spent years feeling suicidal (11 - about 19, I'm now 27). It looks like I'm going to spend years controlling my behaviour and anxiety. The main thing I'm worried about is the effect this could have on my baby and it seems like local services couldn't give a stuff.