Should I get help?

[Suze81]

Hello, I am a Mum of a 2yr and 9 month old and am 6 months pregnant with our next child. I am living in the country (about 1.5 hrs drive from any friends or family) and my partner (we have been having problems too) is living in the city (1.5hrs away) during the week for work.

I am at home by myself all during the week and have no one to talk to. By nature I am a happy person, but am getting down because of my situation. The only reason I am in this house in the country is that my parents have both past away and I am living in there house until I can sell it (It has been on the market for 6 month now - which is average for where the house is).

As soon as the house sells I can move back to the city. Non of my friends have children, they are all 'city girls' who have careers (so do I, I am a scientist but have taken time off for children). I feel like no-one understands that my life is hard, and no-one cares. I don't even think my partner cares how I feel at the moment.

I'm not going to commit suicide or anything like that, and I'm not sure if I would classify myself as 'depressed' or not.
I have joined a mothers group (meets twice a month) so that will get us out of the house atleast twice in a month, but I'm not sure thats enough.

In our area there is a playgroup for depression sufferes my question is should I join it? I'm not sure whether to seek help or to continue battling on.
Has anyone joined a group for depressed women and realised they do not have it as bad and should not have joined? I also don't want people to know how much I am not coping. I can't afford therapy, and have noone to look after my son during the week, even if I could go see someone for free. The only thing I can think of is this group. Should I join, or join some play groups for 'normal' mums in the hope that things will get better if I have people to spend my time with?

I'd join the group, like u say ur prob not depressed pnd etc but your obviously feeling down about not getting out alot which is causing u to feel isolated etc. If u go and u dont like it u dont have to go back so i suppose theres no harm in trying it? I'd imagine the mothers that go just feel like they need a little support from other mothers in similar situations etc, i think the lable "group for depressed mums" probabily makes it sound bad. I think you would find it beneficial, good luck

Yes, I would give the group a go. There's no pressure to have to go again, but it would be worth the effort. I always remember this: "there are no strangers, only friends you have never met" meaning, you could try to think positively about meeting like minded people, and enjoy the experience.

It does take a bit of courage to join any new group, but I have done it in the past, and never regretted it. There is always someone to connect with, even if it is light conversation to start with.

And having dc breaks the ice anyway.

Could you have a few things up your sleeve to have ready in the way of conversation? So you don't become tongue tied?

And it may be worth ringing the organiser before you go, to help you get an idea of the kind of people attending?

I think it's brilliant that you're aware that it's your situation which is making you feel down, it would make anyone feel down.
I certainly don't think a doctor is the right person for you to see.
You need to make friends desperately.
I don't think going and tagging yourself with a depressed label will do you any good.

You really just need to get out there and mix with other people, how is the question.
Why don't you talk to your health visitor and ask where the nearest surestart children's centre is and go to every single group they have on.
I go to two different college course they do there and they have a creche in the building it's brilliant!

Good luck

The group sounds great, give it a go.
Where did you hear of it, I am envious, wish there was something like that round here

Any reason to get out and meet others sounds a good idea. Have you heard of HomeStart? You can self-refer and they can allocate you a person to visit you weekly for 2hrs. A friend of mine did that and it really helped, someone to chat with, play with toddler etc.

I live in Australia and I'm guessing the 'surestart' and 'HomeStart' groups nickname123 and Keiziahopes have mentioned are in America? Please let me know otherwise.
I am not worried about getting 'tounge tied' or anything, I am quite at ease in social situations. As I said I have plenty of friends in the city, but none of them have children and at this age they are all off living their own lifestyles.

I know that anything is better than nothing. There are about 6 or 7 playgroups in this area I could join if I didn't want to join the one for depression sufferes. At the moment I am thinking I should just try to join some of the other groups and see how I go? Most of you said to 'give it a go' but would that apply to any group I could join?

Oh sorry - yes Homestart is a UK based organisation, sorry.

Yes, joining anything sounds a positive move and could benefit you all. I have a friend who is very happy, no issues to note and has struggled being a mum and finds groups etc a lifeline - whether it is a playgroup or music group for little ones.