This fear that social services will come and take your children...

[willsurvivethis]

...it worries me!

There seem to be so many women out there who are afraid to seek help for depression and other problems out of fear that they will lose their children.

I have just asked MNHQ if they would consider doing something with this. Because surely if so many of us fear to lose our children something is going wrong somewhere! Surely we should all be albe to seek help with confidence?

What are your thoughts on this? I struggle with PTSD and even told my doctor that I tended to keep emotional distance from my ds when he's ill without even considering the possibility of that having repercussions.

Is it not ironic that so many SWs are off work with 'stress'. Is that anxiety/depression under a different guise?

NanaNina
"I'm sorry but the judge does make the final decision. Of course he is influenced by what he has heard and he bases his judgement (which is in writing and very lengthy) on the facts of the case. How else could he make a judgement.
"

Correction;
The judge does NOT make his judgement on the 'facts of the case' he makes his judgement on the social worker's views of the case.

Ok nickname - have it your way - I'm not going to argue with you any more. I think however I am right in thinking you base your assertion on one experience - your own. I have been involved in hundreds of cases of care proceedings and think therefore that my assertion has more credability.

Avril - I am not assuming that these "protocols" are followed and I hate to split hairs but they aren't in fact protocols. It is the law - the law of the land - it has to be followed - it isn't a noption. I have missed out all the directions hearings also involved at regular intervals prior to the final hearing.

I'm not being strident - I'm trying to outline what happens in reality and of course I don't think the system is flawless - nothing ever is but that is how life is in general surely?

"""""By twistedhazel Sat 30-Jan-10 21:05:18
Is it not ironic that so many SWs are off work with 'stress'. Is that anxiety/depression under a different guise? """"

That's hillarious :-D

When WE suffer stress (due to them destroying our lives) it's called 'mental health issues'
When they suffer stress it's simply just everyday understandable 'stress'.

Interesting

Nickname please - I KNOW you are feeling negative about sw and 'the system' but yes your own experience has coloured the way you see things and you have a negative answer to everything.

It is not necessary to keep posting negative comments, you have put your point across.

And a bit of credit for NanaNina who sticks out her neck where most others would have run for the hills. You don't need to agree to respect surely.

NanaNina
I am basing my veiw on how the SS can often be on lifelong experiences, other's including my own.

I appreciate you coming in here and having your say, I think it's very brave of you and you're making a good contribution to this thread.
I'm obviously going to point out were the proceedings haven't been done properly in my case, and therefor making the point that they're not always met in a way they should ideally be.

The problem is that when social services make the odd mistake, they can destroy a person's entire life, that's what i think causes the fear.

I think perhaps what is most needed (and what maybe MN could get behind) is an awareness campaign to inform people of their rights, and of who to complain to if they are subjected to unwarranted SS interference or incompetent, bullying SWs. Because there's a wider problem here: the way in which the current (and for the past 10 years) Government has been slowly but surely creating an atmosphere of 'Professionals are right, the public are ignorant feral monsters who must be controlled'. Look at all the horrors they are trying to visit on home edders - basically suggesting that they should all have to be CRB checked and monitored to see if they are fit to look after their own children.
It;s OK to be different. It's important to protect the rights of people to be different and (for instance) not iron, or keep unconventional hours, or have untidy houses. Being different doesn;'t make you bad, or dangerous. But while SS has a percentage of officious little twats frantically box-ticking (while having no actual experience of looking after children, or spending time with a variety of people in a variety of situations) as well as power-hungry bullies who want to lord it over the 'lower orders' this kind of abuse is going to continue.

SGB I think you are barking up the wrong tree.

It is and must be always about the safety and welfare of the child. Now I'm not saying that SS always gets it right, I have seen a sucession of kids that my friend fostered that could have done with being rescued at birth rather than at 3 years old, but we do not need a campaign about teaching parents how to fight the system, we need a system that allows parents to seek support and get it.

Maybe
*Remove the stigma that mental health carries
*Have more low threshold support like surestart and homestart available to more people and get health care professionals to link in/refer to this more
*have a more transparent and accountable ss so people know how things work in general even if not in specific cases
*somehow find a way to give social workers far more work than anyone can handle so that we stop a system where the good ones leave, go sick with stress or become independent sw and the less conscientious ones stay and cut corners.

oops major booboo - we need to STOP giving sw more work than they can handle

This thread is terrible. Great but terrible. it has really frightened me.
I had no idea that so many people either felt like this, or had actually had a bad experience.
I was refered to ss. By my GP. when I went to ask for help. I was struggling, but I was not depressed. It was so awful, and I have made a complaint against the GP.
Every time i see a thread that suggests refering to ss, i have to post, just to to let people know that this over -zealous compulsion that society has to report to ss, is very damaging.

I hate it. Hate it that society has become this. I know that the main priority is the safety of the children. But if there is not solid evidence, the idea that anyone can report you is so very frightening. curtain twitching. has destroyed my belief of society. so sad. and i have no idea how to make any of this any better.

Avril our rights and welfare should not be sacrificed - that's the whole point of my thread! Our rights and welfare are sacrificed the minute we are to scared to ask for the help we need and are entitled to.

I also think kids suffer when mums have untreated mental health problems - my opinion only and only based on my personal experience. My mum didn't care for me properly when I was two as she lost my sis at birth and wasn't coping but this was the seventies so get on with it. I wasn't the mum i want to be for my ds when my PTSD was at its worst this summer. I did not neglect him ever, but wasn't always as close as i should be. Support and confirmation helped.

It is almost always in the child's interest to help the parents to cope and I do stubbornly believe that most social workers believe that too. A few very strong and negative stories on here will not change that belief. Even if I totally believe the women who tell the stories (I have not been given reason not to).

Starlight - I did not particularly think of the order in which I put things.

I haven't had any problems with SS. but even my limited experience has put me right off. the fact that a HV can come to visit you, days after giving birth and not having had enough sleep in the meantime, and does not behave politely like a visitor but asks you to lie down to have your stomache touched, show how you are breastfeeding (show your breasts) can ask - rudely - why is the baby half undressed (O because you called me halfway thru changing the baby, do you see the baby sick all over me?)
and also tell me my nipples are too flat to breast feed.
Then when moving to another area the HV came to visit once when DS was 1.5 and then wrote to request another visit on his 2nd birthday. Personally, I don't know who they think they are intruding into my home and asking personal questions, not if there is no problem.

Yep, so no way would I be going into the GP to ask for help with diagnosing possible insomnia/PND.

Dominique they have no right to do so against your wishes and you do not need to let anyone examine you. I don't think HV are trained for most of the things you mention there - you sure it wasn't a mw?