Think I'm sliding downhill ....

[weegiemum]

I'm long-term depressed, probably on the tablets for the rest of my life, to be honest.

I recently (12 weeks or so ago) was switched my my psychiatrist from sertraline to venlafaxine as she thought it would be more effective.

I think it has been more effective as an antidepressant - but the side effects are killing me - mainly the dreams! They have got so bad that I am frightened to go to sleep as the nightmares are waking me up, and then I fall back into the exactly the same dream and I am aware I am dreaming .... its really scarey and quite disturbing.

So last night I never slept at all, I managed 3 hours while kids were at school today, but it is now 2am and I still haven't been able to get over despite all my "sleep hygiene" training - no screens after 8pm (except now!), low lighting, warm bath, warm drink, reading a book in bed, keeping warm etc ......

I'm frightened to go to sleep. I either have dreams about the end of the world (cometary impact! nuclear war! massive volcanic eruptions!) or about being pregnant, which is as terrifying a preospect for me and I will never ever do it again.

I called my CPN today but she never phoned back. I need the tablets and these ones are great - apart from the dreams!

And cos I am not sleeping, I'm slipping - not going out, lying in bed in the day, not getting dressed, cancelling things I organised etc .......

Its not good. Just lookign for a little support!

Don't really know what to say to help (am on a low here too) but just wanted to tell you you're not alone. I hope your CPN gets back to you - I couldn't get through to the unit at all today. Know what you mean about the dreams, too. x

I dont have any answers, I wish I did
I'm sat here wanting to sleep but unable to because of nightmares to.
Its horrible when you reach out for help and they dont return your call, my cpn can be like that and it doesn't help how your feeling.
I hope you manage to get some sleep

{Hugs} WM, can you see someone today about it? I have disturbing dreams, and I'm not on medication. If its the same dream, can you resolve it in your mind before you go to bed? I did that with a recurring nightmare, and in the end, was able to dream the happy ending I'd imagined. Something along the lines of some hero saving the day and being able to divert the comet, or bring peace, or stem the volcanoes. And as for being pregnant, perhaps you could imagine its a false pregnancy.

Not a lot of use, me, but am here for you...

Thanks for just replying!

I did eventually manage to get over and had 3 and a bit hours of quite restful sleep until the alarm went off - as dh was on call last night I was alone with the kids so had to get up and get them all organised - they are good kids and can do a lot themselves but they do need prodding! Its a fundraising non-uniform day today as well so there was much "does this match" and fancy doing of hair. Apart from ds who put on his "Sonic" hoodie and was ready in 2 mins flat!!.

ErikaMaye - sorry to hear you are also on a low. I don't talk about it much on here but I think you and I share the same underlying condition and it makes it all a bit more difficult to manage. How is baby? Are you getting the help you need?

crappiestmum - you need to change your name!! We are all the mum that our kids need the most (unless we are outright abusive or neglectful - and I practice a certain degree of benign neglect on purpose!). I am going to phone my CPN again at 9 and see if I can at least talk to her today. I need to get through today, tonight and tomorow till 5pm when dh gets in from work - he has a bit of a long stretch this week - but I reckon with judicious use of the Wii, dvds and a trip to the swimming pool we will be fine. Not the most imaginitive weekend for the kids, I'm just hoping the weather perks up a bit so they can play out for a while.

Mary - I know you are here for me, you always are . I think I'll try your idea of trying to resolve the dream before I go to bed. The pregnancy ones are the most scarey, as pregnancy makes me very very unwell.

It was just so nice to get up this morning, get the kids out to the bus, then switch on and see someone had replied. I don't feel so alone!

Glad you managed to get some sleep.
I'm sure the kids will enjoy the Wii, dvd's and swimming, the xbox360 is my saviour(sp)it keeps my sons amused when I'm struggling and the disney channel keeps my daughter happy.
I hope you get a hold of your cpn today or get to speak to someone. Do they not have a duty system where your cpn is bassed? Ours does but I've not managed to use it.

Yes they have a duty system but I have real trouble talking to any of the rest of them - it took months to find a CPN I get on with but I know she's not on holiday so will wait.

One of the problems I have with it all I think is that I'm high-functioning most of the time - I can take the kids swimming or look after them competently for days at a time when dh works, and (mostly) keep on top of the housework. So I come over as a coping-type, then it all comes crashing down. This is what I am afraid of.

I'm the same, I will phone cpn or psychologist because I know them, but to phone and speak to anyone else I cant.
I undestand about coming over as the coping type, its like if they see you can still do everything you must be fine, but sometimes I find I hide behind that, if I'm dealing with the kids and things I dont have to think about me but then like you it all comes crashing down when I burn out.

I hope you have managed to get a hold of your cpn and get to talk through some of your worries

I just woke up!

Tonight I have had SIX hours UNBROKEN sleep!

Its not great to have been awake since 5am, but a lot better than only sleeping 3 hours.

Didn't get to speak to my CPN so will just have to hold out till Monday as I'm not calling the OOH service (they just give you diazepam and hope) but will call again with more of an attitude Monday morning!

Thanks for all your support.

Still feeling pretty crap, mind you!

Fantastic for you! Six hours is a really good amount of sleep, hope you feel refreshed.

Now you've done it once, I hope it gives you confidence that you can do it again