have you told anyone about your MH

[mumof2children]

i am really good at masking depression.... i hide it really well.

anyhow on the phone to my mil i slipped up today and now she is coming down tommorrow for a chat.

i am scared i am not ready for all this, the tablet have only just started working and i feel this has set me back

You still don't need to tell her anything you don't want to! You can do the been a bit worn out routine and let her talk about sleep diet and exercise letting it all wash over you. or maybe it will be good to talk. But you don't have to talk about what you're feeling because she wants you to.

I have talked about it with close friends and they have formed a circle around me which has been very helpful, but my mask dropped off big time and I had no choice anymore really...

It's a very tricky one. My natural inclination is to mask (very successfully) because it's "easier." TO be honest I can't be bothered getting distressed when explaining my symptoms and habits to people who often don't understand depression. My DH let slip to his parents about my MH and they felt the need to tiptoe around me, not daring to ask how I was which made me feel worse- like I was some sort of freak.

However, I have found that when I have had to let some people know then it has been a huge relief. It's really quite cathartic to be able to say "I'm sorry but I don't feel up to doing X today."

As part of my behaviour I have unrealistic self-expectations and I punish myself for not achieving things that I think that I should. I found that when I explained this to an excellent senior director at work he was very good at building praise and constructive feedback into my working environment which helped me manage mood. It took a lot to talk it through with him, however with my Psych's encouragement I took the plunge and it was helpful.

However, he was someone that I chose. I knew that he would respect my confidentiality and I was hopeful that he would be sensitive about how to deal with it. My judgement was right and I controlled the situation which is very different from "letting slip" and then feeling pressurised into confiding.

I guess that my point is that sharing can be good but you need to be comfortable about it. My advice would be that if you're unsure then do as a previous poster said and make up some excuses. HOWEVER- if you think that your MIL would understand and you know how you would like to be supported then give it a go.

I am open with people as much as I can be because I feel passionately about dispelling the myth that someone with a mental health problem is in some way "scary", "weird" or even "dangerous" - I want people to know it can happen to normal everyday people.

However, people who I know are particularly bitchy / gossipy / untrustworthy, I tend to keep quiet as I don't know what they are going to say about me behind my back.

Getdown, I take citalopram, propanolol and diazepam and the moment because after recently having a baby I am really struggling. Would you tell people about that? I think people would really judge me if they knew.

Hi StirFry. It depends. When I was in a really low place it was pretty obvious to all and sundry that I was in a state. But I wasn't in the mood to talk about it with anyone. I could barely look after myself let alone worry about anyone else or what they were thinking. As I got better, yes I talked to people about my experiences. But only where I thought it would be helpful, or to show people that it can happen to any ordinary person.

I also took citalopram, and propranolol - this is the beta blocker - right?
I also took lorazepam, zopiclone, olanzapine, lithium, procyclidine, temazepam etc. etc.
I was a right old medicine cabinet!!
Now I'm on mirtazapine which has helped me greatly!

You are not alone in saying you are struggling after having a baby - I ended up in a mother and baby unit I struggled so bad. You may be surprised about people judging you - when you open up a bit it's amazing the number of people who say "I'm so glad you said that as I feel / felt the same!"

I really hope the medication is helping you, and soon you will start enjoying your baby again. I never believed it would happen for me but DD is 2 now and am loving it, my attitude is completely different now.

Wishing you all the best x

Propranolol is a betablocker yes. I only got the diazepam this morning because I have been in a huge state the last few days, My anxiety is so bad I think I'm going to die.

Last night I was having these awful thoughts about hurting myself. I kept seeing images of me stabbing myself in my stomach over and over, in a really violent way. I could hear the sound of it too, the sound the knife woudl make as it entered my body.

How do I tell people that? I wanted to tel my GP this morning but I'm so scared they'll think I can't look after my DC.

StirFry - I'm so sorry to hear that. Admitting it on here is a good start. You really need to get help with this, it is an illness, any good GP will know that.
If the citalopram doesn't start working soon, you could ask for a referral to your local Community Mental Health Team (CMHT). You will be assigned a Community Psychiatric Nurse (CPN) who can visit you at home (not as scary as the name sounds!) and you see a psychiatrist too.
You will get better.
The anxiety is awful and I know things seem impossible to get through right now but you will. x

P.S. the vast majority of women with PND carry on looking after their DC and would defend them with their life regardless of what they are gonig through personally (think it's an evolutionary adaption thing). Even when I got admitted there was no question of taking my DD away. Please don't let that fear stop you getting help x