Am I allowed to feel like this???

[jerin]

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. is how you feel? That's too deep for me, I like more explanation...

I had premature DTs a year ago and they spent a long time in hospital. It was all very stressful. They have just turned one and I got myself really emotional about the past year and all we'd been through. At the same time I was due to go away with work for a week (had tried, unsuccessfully, to swap with someone). Was due away again for another week just 3 days after getting back from the first and was all too much. Couldnt get out of either of them despite a process being available to do so. No-one would respond to my requests. Called my manager, I was quite upset, and she shouted at me. Told me I had no reason to be upset and that I'd be reported to head office. I was very unprofessional blah, blah blah. I told her that I didnt think I was able to cope with being away at a time when I was feeling so upset and emotional. I was made to go. Then to make matters worse, the conversation, was relayed to others in the office that day and an email has been sent to those that werent in, stating that I'm not coping. I'm dreading going into the office again.

Sorry, typed 3 times and the bloody computer wouldnt post......

First of all, my ds spent 3 weeks in NICU and SCBU after starting seizures at 12 hour, we didn't know for a while wether he would live. it took a year for me to start processing things, he has some sn and the first year was lots of worry and concern. After a year when things calmed down I got flashbacks, anxiety (well worse than what i had), excessive fear of losing him, depression and was diagnosed with PTSD (although this was complicated by chid abuse, another matter)

All I want to say with all that rambling is that it is normal for these feelings to come out now, after year.

With hindsight (and everyone has 20/20 vision with hindsight) you may have done well to go to the doc and be signed off for a few weeks.

If you told a manager in confidence that you were not coping and they have blagged it on to anyone else that is potentially a disciplinary matter and i would raise it as such with HR/head office. Lodge a grievance.

And maybe still go to the doctor now, to get some support (maybe counselling) and possibly a sick note.

Thank you so much. She really made me feel like I was stupid for feeling like I did. I mean, my year has been a whirlwind, I've not had time to take a breath, let a lone think about my feelings. I had spoken to my local nurse the day before. (In the middle of changing surgeries following move so he had none of my notes )and he told me to speak to my manager...... I feel ok today. Some days I'm just fine. In fact most days I'm fine - too busy to think. PTSD - is that post traumatic stress? I'm now just so annoyed that the whole company will know and I feel so crappy.

I'm definitely going to look into the counselling (on company time of course) and will be constructing a retort for all those inquistive people that are going to probe into my coping abilities whilst awaiting my meltdown....

Well the whole company shouldn't know. My manager helped me to keep working (not that i did much, concentration totally shot and incapable of dealing with stress)from spring until September when things got too bad. The only other people who know are people I told myself.

I still think her behaviour is very serious.

Yes, PTSD is post traumatic stress.