Just found out my Mother, probably, has BPD....

[YouAintSinMeRight]

I always thought my mother was a nasty piece of work, more to my sister than me, but her nastiness was different to me. Telling me throughout my childhood how beautiful I was and then at seven telling me another girl was the prettiest in the class, telling me when she thought she had cancer that it was mny fault for all the stress I'd caused, the list is long...including winding my violent father up until he hit my sister or I well into our early twenties...

My sister has just started CBT for panic attacks and bulimia and described my mother and her psychotherapist is convinced my mother has borderline personality disorder...

I'm just wondering if anyone has a similar experience or experiences?

Am a bit at a CBT therapist diagnosing your mum unseen. Not detracting from your experiences which sound proper horrid but I think that's slightly unethical, dubious and frankly impossible. Plus from my limited experience what you describe here is not particularly indicative of BPD.

not much help as an answer is it?

She's a highly experienced psychotherapy and my sister is in her fourth week of 1.5 hour sessions. The attachment, depression, anxiety of abandonment and other such things do indicate that she has BPD and since the label has been mentioned I have read lots about it and it really fits the bill.

Ok, I really hope you see I'm not invalidating your feelings or the damage she has done to you, because your pain is your pain and it is the same - label or not.

My very experienced psychotherapist would not diagnose someone she's never met with anything, certainly not something that needs to be diagnosed by a doctor ie a psychiatrist after very careful consultation, that's one issue.

The other and actually more important one is that a number of conditions can mimic bpd, notably trauma relating to childhood abuse.

No, I didn't think that don't worry.

I think she said my mother 'may have....' as opposed to does have.

willsurvive this - the "splitting", the all good vs all bad is a symptom of BPD so I wouldn't say that there's nothing in the description that infers BPD.

That's also not what I said - as I said the problem is that other things can look like BPD and therefore it cannot be diagnosed from a distance. I used to 'split' a lot (in a different way) - that's how I survived as a kid - I certainly don't have BPD

They are definitely symptoms of BPD but not conclusive

To be fair, there are numerous stories to tell about her...violent husband who she stays with whatever happens including him sleeping with a prostitute, biting her, breaking/fracturing a few bones etc, her winding him up about my sister and I until he hit us, tried to drown my sister, asked her to kneel so he could kick her, smashed my possessions, never allowed to show us affection, my mother has rages and suicide threats, plays the victim and also chooses a victim and someone to pick on, never ever saying sorry.....

either way the woman is very toxic!

And more to the point you are a survivor of some very horrid abuse

First of all, no-one can be diagnosed with BPD without weeks/months of therapy and diagnostic procedures. You can never do it second hand.

Borderline Personality Disorder (which I have) is a very very complicated diagnosis and there are some very very specific things you need to have a diagnosis - and then luckily some very effective therapy and medications.

PLEASE don't equate your mother being, as you say, a "nasty piece of work" with any possible diagnosis of BPD. I have been dealing with this for years but am in no way nasty, difficult or abusive. Even when I didn't know I had it, I wasn't like that.

No matter how "experienced" your sister's psychotherapist is, she is way out of line suggesting she can diagnose someone on the say so of one person's experience of it. I'm very about a therapist like that - sounds like she could have an agend, tbh - and maybe your sister needs to find someone substatially more professional.

Also, please do not blame your mother for the actions of your violent father. No matter how "wound up" he was, it was still his choice to hit you.

I do sometimes wonder about the perception of personality disorders - have heard people on here refer to people like me as "sub-human"

I agree with the others. I also think it's more important that you think through that you and your sister were victims of child abuse. That's a pretty heavy thing to get your head around. I personally would say my Mum has NPD, my Dad also some sort of major problem.

But just like most schizophrenics are normal folk like you or me going to the supermarket, having BPD doesn't justify your parents'abuse of you two.