Crap! I'm back here again.

[Ahcrap]

Have accepted tonight that I am depressed (again).
Can't sleep, tearful, not coping, feeling like shit.
Have found an unopened box of citalopram which worked for me last time and have taken one. Will see GP in the morning.

Will probably need to be signed off work and because i've been feeling so low, all my work is in chaos and it's not going to be pretty, when my boss tries to pick it up.

Fuck.

Can somebody just say that it's going to be over fairly quick and that it's all going to be fine?

I slept for a couple of hours then woke up vommitting. The nausea is debilitating. I feel really bad.

hello?

I have no experience, but I am here and can chat until someone who knows more turns up and offers better advice.

Sorry you are feeling so low. Was it something that triggered the depression?

Thanks MmeLindt.
It's been creeping on gradually.
Overworked, overstressed, overtired.
And now i feel like i can't function at all.
I don't want to go into too much detail, but i'm a regular here.
Not sure what i'm hoping somebody will say anyway.
Will speak to somebody in RL just as soon as it's a reasonable hour to call.

Do you have any kind of coping stategy? Is there anything that helps you escape the stress/overwork?

Maybe sounds silly, but just getting out of the house and going for a walk when you feel desperate.

Have you got young DC?

i have lots of strategies that usually keep depression at bay, but the pressure has been mounting and can't keep up.
I work full time, have young children and am the sole earner.
I'm exhausted, and htink i'm beyond the coping strategies - exercise, eat well, social life, projects - i need medication or a whole lot of sleep.
It will be temporary but the anti-depressant side effects and debilitating (in my case).
Imagine the worst vomitting hangover you've ever had, and knowing it will last for 2 weeks.

Sounds really awful. Is there any other meds that you can take that don't affect you as badly?

Do you have anyone who could take your DC for a day or two to let you get some rest?

Sorry to hear you're going through a rough time. I'm also really scared but I've been in a really bad time before when I've been off meds, and have been totally fine once they kick in.

Can you try taking anti-nausea medication to deal with the side effects.

I was in the same position as you two months ago. Have been signed off work for that time, and my chances of going back to work in the near future are slim.
I left it too long; using all my coping strategies up until I was so exhausted that I couldn't function. Have been on ADs for all this time, gradually increasing to 40mg of citalopram.I feel better as long as everything is 'in order.' I cope day to day, but feel I have no self-esteem and cannot make the simplist of decisions.
I hope your doctor is as lovely as mine, she is so supportive and helpful.
You sound exhausted too. I hope you get all the support and help that you need and that you begin to feel better soon; the side effects will ease.

the nausea is overwhelming.
GP has reduced the dose and switched to another drug similar to citalopram and also prescribed something to help me sleep.
i feel like i've really lost it this time, and so much more quickly that ever before.
i hate that i do this.
i hate that i can't cope.

Hey Ahcrap -

Please be kind to yourself - you sound like you have som much on your plate and unless you are superwoman - something has to give!! Your not superwoman, are you

I guess you seen your GP today?? Have you been signed off work?? I haven't really suffered bady with depression - more anxiety which kicked in when my DS1 was about 6 - 8 months. WHen I finally went to see my GP she said it sounded like it had been building up for longer that I was admitting too! Like you I was in a very stressful job (full time) the main bread winner - its a lot to deal with. I got signed off and went back to work part time, which was a big weight off. Is this an option for you?? Although I think you need a few weeks off to clear your head and let the AD kick in!!

I doubt that you have really lost it this time and you priobably feel like it has kicked in a lot quicker this time as you are fully aware of what happening to you! Just take things one day at a time and you will get better! Be kind you youself! Plenty of relaxing, baths, etc - when you can!

I hope you feel better soon x x x

Sorry to read this

I have been fortunate that I didn't get any problems with taking anti-Ds apart from being v sleepy.

Don't beat yourself up about being depressed 'again'. Would you do that if you had flu 'again' or a tummy bug 'again'?

I've been keeping alot to myself for a while now.
DH made redundant a year ago and is depressed.
Now i'm depressed, we don't stand a fucking chance.
Wish the ground would swallow me up. Stop the world i want to get off stylee.

On the other hand the children and happy and healthy and i'd like to think they are oblivious. probably not but it helps to think that way. i know they are going to remember mummy being sad, and daddy being sad, and that breaks my heart. i want to be creating happy memories for them and we're just no doing that.

have had a glass of milk today and that is it, i just can't face food.

have been prescribed escitalopram as an alternative.

any experience?

How are you today, Ah?

Don't worry about how the DC are being affected. They will be fine. You are doing something to help yourself, that is the important thing.

My SIL is bipolar and has 2 DC. They have seen her at her highest and her lowest point are despite that are very level headed, cheery children. If you were to ask them about their childhood I am sure that they would say that they had a great one.

Your DC will know that you love them and are trying to get well.

I'm ok thanks.
The switch in meds has really helped. I'm still nauseated but not being physically sick like I was with the citalopram.
I've had a couple of good nights sleep and feel a bit better.
Still very anxious and off food, but I feel better just for admitting to myself and everyone else how i'm really feeling. I don't feel like I have to keep a brave face on so much.
I'm trying to keep to a usual routine, no naps, keeping busy with housework. A lovely friend came over yesterday and we chatted and did things with the kids. I'm glad I have her nearby.
I'll get well again.
it's just part of me I have deal with again and again and that sucks.

Glad that things are getting better for you.

You have taken the first steps, in admitting to yourself and to others that you are not coping. That is very brave, you really are doing well.