Those of you with long term depression does it ever get better?

[tutu100]

I realised a few days ago that I have had depression on and off for the past 16 years. I am 30 this year so most of my life has been severely blighted by it.

I am not doing very well at the moment, worse than normal. I was diagnosed with PND after ds2 was born last year but tbh I don't think it is necessarily PND I think it was just my normal depression that resurfaced after having a baby.

Anyway atm I just feel I'm never going to be normal and I'm starting to think whats the point. The thought of being like this forever just seems horrible. I keep telling myself I've done this before and a happy spell will be round the corner, but the happy spells are getting fewer and further between and the down periods are getting deeper and longer.

On the face of it I should be happy I have 2 beautiful boys, a house, we're not rich but we manage and I've been with DP for 12 years. I feel guilty that it's not enough to make me happy. I'm not even sure I want to be with dp anymore. I just find myself resenting him all the time.

No one knows I feel like this. I just don't know what to do anymore.

I think I have been depressed since I was 15 and I am 37 now. Mine was only diagnosed when I had ds1 in 2001. I have since had more children and each time I have had PND but after 3 months with my second and a year with the third. I am still on ADs and will be for a long time yet.

You are ill. Nothing will change that without medicine and therapy. A nice house, good hubby, enough money doesn't stop anyone being depressed in the same way it wouldn't stop someone having any other illness.

There was a terrible article in the paper this week about Marian Keyes having depression and what does she have to be depressed about with a good marriage and no money worries. .

Thanks Fab. Trouble is over the years I've had so many treatment, therapy etc and nothing has been permanent. As an adolescent there was lots of treatment options open to me, but now I'm an adult there seems to be hardly anything and what there is has very long waiting lists. Also because I also tell the doctors I wouldn't kill myself (which I wouldn't because I love my kids so much and they are what keeps me going). I',m not deemed to be too bad even though a lot of the time I'm clinging on with my fingertips and just about managing to keep going.

Today is just a very bad day. I know that I'll start feeling a bit better soon.

Have you had many side effects from your AD's? I'm not on any Ad's because I have tried many, but always found the side effects to be worse than the depression so have never stayed on them for long.

I've had depression just about all of my adult life, but didn't realise it for many years.

In 2001 I was referred for counselling and put into group therapy. I thought this was a dreadful idea and I don't think I spoke in the group for several months. It was 2 hours once a week and women only. At the end of 2 years when the group ended I couldn't believe how well I felt. I had literally never felt like that before. I have a rage inside me that is always there and in 2003 it was gone.

Sadly it has crept back, but I was "normal" and free from depression for at least 3-4 years.

As you say the difficulty is getting treatment. That course was NHS but when I was referred again in 2007 I got 6 weeks of 1 hour a week....

My side effects have been awful dreams at first, feeling not all there which I put down to tiredness and being me but I know now is a side effect. I also said I would never attempt suicide because of my children and one day I did. Made no difference to getting help.

I would give help another go, I see this therapy as my last chance tbh, as you can't lose anything but you might just gain. Good luck.

I have had depression at least since I was 17 and am 34 now. At the moment I am off ADs having cut down gradually over the last year.

For me having CBT about 18 months ago really helped me although I am always watching out for signs of depression coming back.

I was told by one of my councellors (and I've had loads) that I've probably been depressed since I was a small child - but I was being treated for it between the ages of 19 and 27. I'm now 31 and while I still have the odd down time (I found the middle of my recent pregnancy very hard) I wouldn't say I was depressed anymore.

I'm now 3 weeks post-birth and seem to have avoided PND for the second time too.

It doesn't have to be forever...

Like Noah - I will always be watching for it coming back though

Thanks everyone for sharing your experiences. I am feeling a bit better this evening. Partly because the dc's are now in bed and I can rest a bit.

I know I'm going to have to do something, but I just find it so hard, not just emotionally, but practically. I also have panic attacks which mean I don't go out alone, so even just to get to the GP's I have to find someone who can take me, and then get an appointment that fits in with their schedule.

My health visitor has got me into a special group with a few other mums. Not all have depression, but for whatever reason they find it difficult to get out. I am finding that helpful just for the fact it gets me out and talking to other people. I do find that I get very insular because my life is so limited to the house and the kids.

I was diagnosed with depression about 10 years ago, tried pyschotherapy and ADs and it did seem to work, but then it came back again twice as hard.

After that, I tried some therapy with MIND, which although it was helpful it didn't really sort me out because I always found it difficult to talk honestly about the way I was feeling. It certainly gave me a boost but it never seemed to last.

Last time around my GP arranged for some CBT and I also got some returning to work counselling via the Job Centre and NHS. Both therapies really helped me deal with my depression in a practical way and gave me the tools to improve my mood myself when I need to.

I don't think it ever goes away for ever, but those tools I've learned mean that I can actually help myself when I feel I'm slipping back into a depression.

It might be worth exploring CBT if you haven't already or even if you have, giving it another go. Sometimes something just clicks, so never stop trying tutu.

Good luck!

I think the answer is finding the right therapist. I think my depression started as a teenager although it was never diagnosed until 2001 and i'm 38 now. I have seen quite a lot of counsellors and have had CBT therapy. I have just started another round of CBT with someone who I think is going to make a real difference, as i've known for a long time what the problem is but feel i need the tools to fix it.

I like others always watch out fo rthe signs of it comming back when i feel well. This is the first time in 3 years that i've not been off sick at this time of year. I would say that i'm ok at the minute but know its just below the surface so i'm hoping that cBT will now give me the tools i need to stop my self going into that spiral again.

I would say go to the GP and get referred and don't stop asking till they do it.