DH left me Xmas last year with two small dd's. I was devastated. He came back a few months later for a few wks saying he loved me and wanted to make a go of things but never really tried and dropped it on me he'd been keeping in touch with his ex for most of our marriage! Started messing around hiding his phone from me and made me totally paranoid about his relationship with his ex, so I flipped and kicked him out.
One min he's nice to me, the next he's a complete B* to me! Sometimes he'll answer my calls and texts, the next he'll totally ignore me. It's driving me crazy! If he'd have left me alone in the first place to get on with my life I may be on the road to recovery this far down the line! But I'm sinking deeper and deeper into depression again, feel as though I'm in a deep dark hole all alone, cry buckets every day, shout at my dd's and then hate myself even more and just want to curl up and die! Wish I had the guts to do it!
Went on holiday with him and dd's a few weeks back (as was booked when we were together and couldn't get anyone else to go) and he totally kept his distance from me (wore pj's to bed, changed in the bathroom, wanted to do things on his own with dd's and not include me etc) Kept the peace for the time we were away though and now realise he was just being nice for his own selfish needs. Were all ill on holiday and dd's have been ill ever since - he's seen them once and text once to see how they are in 3 weeks - I'm devastated, he doesn't even care how ill they are or what's wrong with them! If it's through with me and him then I have to accept it but it doubley hurts when he shows no interest in his dd's but I hear how much he loves and cares for them from all his family and friends! His mother is also complaining she never sees her grandchildren - but has made no attempt to see them! Why are they trying to make me out to be the bad one?
I'm so stressed out having to try and wrap everything up here - he's left me to look after house (and sale of), kids, rehoming of pets, bills etc and I feel like I'm being suffocated. Have asked him to take some of the responsibility away from me, he says yes but never carries anything out! I'm not totally useless but as I'm so depressed everything seems ten times worse and harder than it actually is - I want to just pack a bag and walk away but know I cant do that. How many months am I going to be stuck here like this - can I carry on?
I desperately need to get away closer to family as I have no friends or family close to me here, but I'm totally dependant on him and he's dragging his heels! House up for sale but there's no interest in it. Can't just up and rent as I need money from him to do so. Council wont rehome me as I have a house and would be making myself intentionally homeless - offered me a refuge!
I just haven't got the will to fight/live etc. any more. My life feels like it's ended and I just can't seem to snap out of it! I need help now but I know rome wasn't built in a day and things dont happen overnight but I dont know how much more I can take of this.