I still feel lost and desperate

[roslily]

I have suffered with depression on and off for years. Last year I attempted suicide, before I found I was pregnant with ds.

GP suggested Bipolar, but there was a cock up with my referral and I started to feel better so it wasn't followed up.

I am suffering big time. I am now on 40mg citalopram. Not sure what difference they make. I still feel like killing myself sometimes. I love ds so much, but I just don't feel like I am coping. But I am scared of saying something in case they take him away from me.

I can't really describe how I feel to anyone. Sometimes I just feel really detached from myself. Sometimes I lose it completely (mainly when I perceive dh as criticising me) and go mental, throwing things, screaming etc. Like an adutl having a tantrum. This happened before when I was depressed not just post-ds.

Now I am just rambling. I just need to talk about it, but don't know where to start. I am concerned as in past after a major downer I go a bit mental (in the past have taken drugs, slept around, gone to new york for a weekend, ended up 19K in debt- this is all pre-dh)

If I talk to Gp will they take ds away from me?

I'm sorry I don't have any advice but will bump for you.

Please take care of yourself and get the help you need x

You need to go back and talk to GP.

Citalopram is a fine AD for people with more minor issues. I laughed in the face of the trainee GP who suggested it to me this time last year (have serious psych history with 3 major suicide attempts. major depression that has landed me in hospital etc)

If you are bi-polar (and your previous experiences sound a bit like it tbh) then Citalopram is NOT helpful.

I am a moderate/major depressive and take Venlafaxine plus a mood stabiliser. If you have Bipolar you NEED a really heavy duty antidepressant and/or something like lithium as a stabiliser.

PLEASE go back to your GP and try to get a psychiatric referral (mine last year - an "emergency" one - took 6 weeks mind you!!) and someone who can properly assess you.

I was on venlafaxine before I became pregnant and I think it was more useful. Will go back to Gp and ask for referral.

I came back to add - they will not take ds away from you for being depressed. Not unless they seriously think you will cause him serious harm.

I've been hospitalised with depression and noone ever mentioned social services. All the effort was on getting me better, adn back home to my children.

good luck with referral to psych - agree Smarties would be cheaper, safer and more effective if you have bipolar depression

anti-depressants and bipolar are rarely a good mix, they should really only be used in the short term if at all - not sure if this is true of 'spectrum' type bipolar with milder episodes of elation but what you describe sounds potentially quite serious

keep us posted!