Please or to access all these features

Mental health

Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

I can,t get over no more children

8 replies

lostitoday · 28/12/2009 19:30

I know that I have been on here before many times about this but I just don,t seem to be getting any better even though its over two years down the line.
I had have been ttc for all of this time and I probably should not even be bothering.
I was told a year ago that I am suffering from premature ovarian failure hence my inability to concieve and I can,t get over the loss of another dc I have one ds who is now 9.
I beat myself up day in day out at him ending up an only despite the fact that there would of been a large age gap.
I really wanted another dc but have been told my chances are very slim.
My dh is not interested, not fussed about another dc and just goes along in his own sweet way with life.
I can,t afford to go fruther with this and wouldn,t be able to anyway without dh's support as he is simply not bothered about another dc.
I feel so bitter, angry, and sad that my child bearing days are over when I don,t feel done with having my family.
My one sister is alot older than me and her children are grown up and I am now watching babies coming into the family and everyone is cooing over these new arrivals.
I feel as though I am stuck in my own nightmare with this.
I am on antidepressenst did attend some counselling but it doesn,t seem to have helped.
My doctor has more or less said that I need to work through this myself but I can,t seem to do it.
If I could live a life without seeing babies and pregnant women I might be able to but I know thats impossible.
Please what can I do to get rid of this pain.
I am so jealous.
I have just gone 39 now and nobody seems interested in helping me now.
My own family don,t even ask me how I am doing any more.

OP posts:
PardonMyClench · 28/12/2009 19:58

I am truely sorry to hear your pain.

A bit controversial but would you consider surrogacy?

rasputin · 28/12/2009 20:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dearprudence · 28/12/2009 20:21

I also have an only, now 7.6. I desperately wanted another DC but didn't make it.

I love my DS to distraction, but have sometimes wished I never had him, because I have failed him by not providing a sibling. I'd rather have the pain of being childless than inflict the pain of being an only on him, IYSWIM. He, on the other hand, is perfectly happy. Although I know for a fact that his life would be better if he had a sibling, he doesn't feel this.

I've dealt with this by reminding myself of some of the many scenarios that would be worse than what I have now. Eg: I might have had another baby who died, or who was very ill. I might have had another baby and then lost my first DS. I might have had another baby and then been paralysed in an accident and unable to look after them. (I could go on all day, believe me!).

The point is that everyone is lucky in some ways and unlucky in others. We have to be thankful for what we have and grateful for being spared all the other pain that could easily come our way. In a way your GP is right, as I think you have to learn this for yourself. For me, the pain hasn't gone away but I really have improved and it is much easier to deal with than it once was.

Possibly the difference between us is that I stopped trying about 18 months ago, but you're only just there, if I understand correctly. Maybe it's only when you stop trying that you can start to work on coming to terms with it.

I really hope this doesn't sound preachy, or like I have it all worked out. I really don't. I just think I understand a bit how you feel and I wanted to offer some support.

NickeeS · 28/12/2009 20:36

sorry to read this, very sad indeed. I am sorry I am not ofay with premature ovarian failure. Does that mean you are no longer producing eggs ? Could you get an egg donor ? I know you say you DH is not interested but is he fully ware of the pain you are feeling ?

Stillcountingthebaubles · 30/12/2009 20:20

so sorry you are feeling this way ....I do know ... it is an actual, tangible "pain"

Don't know what to suggest as I feel the same way ... stuck in a nightmare as you say .....and I know I am very lucky to have one healthy dd ... haven't entirely given up hope but doesn't look like another will be on its way as I am 46 now ...

I was determined I wouldn't let this issue get me down, and that I would count my blessings (which I do) but it still bloody well HURTS

So just posting in solidarity really xxxx

Stillcountingthebaubles · 30/12/2009 20:26

Btw .. I think this time of year when we look back at what has ... and what hasn't happened over the past 12 mths always makes it harder ....and as you say, being surrounded by friends and family with young babies doesn't help ....

sorry, again, don't have any answers, xxxxx

coldtits · 30/12/2009 20:28

Don't assume your children's lives would have been better with a sibling. I was an only child until I was 5 and I loved it.

addictedtolatte · 30/12/2009 20:50

thats reassuring to hear coldtits i have only one ds and have decided to leave it at that as i got pnd and dont want to risk getting it again

New posts on this thread. Refresh page