Not sure what to do to help my brother.

[smee]

My brother's had a month off work - v.stressful job, then panic attacks meant he couldn't cope so very bravely and sensibly he walked out of work and took himself to the doctor. Since then I think he's been badly advised, but know not a lot about this so am asking for mumsnet wisdom. All the GP seems to have done is to give him some sleeping pills and signed him off - Bro says he's 'just got nervous exhaustion'. He's treating it all as though he just needs a rest, but my gut instinct is he needs way more help and isn't even touching on what caused him to get to this point. After a month he's still not sleeping, still having panic attacks and is incredibly tired. He puts up huge barriers if I try to talk to him - any mention of depression is hit by a brick wall and he's adamant it's not that or a nervous breakdown. I think the GP/ his wife even should be pushing him to try anti depressants and/ or counselling but am I right? I don't want to push and then push him away, but am so worried. I can see a huge crash ahead and want to try and stop it, but I seem to be a lone voice. Anybody know what a good GP would do - am I over reacting?

My sister has manic depression and psychosis, and I myself have had major depression/breakdown.
Sounds like he's got to admit to himself that something isn't right and get himself help. Easier said than done. 1 in 4 adults will experience major 'depressive' episodes in their lifetime - it really is that common and nothing to be ashamed of.

My advice (what I do with my sister when she's going through a particularly bad patch) is send her a surprise box of choccies with a note telling her that I love
her and that I'm always an ear to listen too should she need it. She never does, but she appreciates knowing someone else is thinking about her.

You can't push anyone to get councelling, because it won't work. Sadly sometimes a big crash is whats needed for reaslisation to hit home. I hope it doesn't come to that for your brother - I know from bitter expereince its not pleasant.

Good luck whatever you decide - I hope your brother gets the help he needs.

Thanks MunchMummy - you're so, so right and yes a big crash is exactly what I'm worried about. I know depression is nothing to be ashamed of, but sadly he doesn't seem to think that way. Obviously I'm not at all privy to what his GP has said to him, but I wish they'd be a bit more pushy in terms of suggesting other routes through. Only wish I could do something. I might try your route of a kind but gentle nudge to keep him talking.

unless you were there at the GP consult you dont know what your brother said nor what was said back...

Gp can only act on what the patient says...

when i atended an appt with my (now ex)P he was insistent he just had problems sleeping and needed some help with that - despite GP going thru depression questionnaire with him and saying "you are depressed" "you need help".

he is an adult - unless/until he gets "bad enough" to be sectioned, only he can seek the right help, counselling, whatever is needed.

the GP persuaded my exP to try extremely low dose antidepressants - as a way to get him to take them... he was very insistent he didnt want/need them, he was just "tired" and needed more sleeep etc etc... (he didnt take the anti-Ds, got worse and worse over the ensuing weeks til yes "exploded"...)

what does his wife say?

can she provide evidence of his behaviour etc to GP in an appt she books for herself?

how is it impacting on her/any children?

one male acquaintance has told me how it was his wife telling him "you get the right help and take medication or i am leaving you" that was the kick he needed to see what was going on and do something....

perhaps you can be the one providing him with the support he needs (eg could he come stay with you??) while his wife has to be the one issuing ultimatums?

you could find out about free or reduced rate counselling available locally...ask about GP prescribed exercise programmes in your area that kind of thing and pass it on...but ultimately only he can take the steps...

smee...i had a nervous breakdown many years ago(20 to be exact) and i was in denial for ages and trying to cope. Panic attacks,nights with no sleep,anxiety,depression,crying,short tempered,loss of confidence....
But you have to wait til you reach rock bottom and i mean rock bottom .i went to my Gp's and finally said i need help please. He then said ,you are now ready to accept help,but you werent before,you thought you could cope.but now you have asked ,we can do something about it.
He was brilliant ,as he confided in me that he had had a breakdown too..and ende up in the same hospital for private treatment.

sleeping pills help short term as they get you a good nights sleep ,which can only make things a bit better.
Is it just the job or are ther other issues.

cestla, his wife is a bit on the stiff upper lip side, so though supportive, I don't think she gets it really - she sounds a bit impatient with him from what he's said. She also never ever confides in me and it's hard not to step on her toes. I know you're right in that the GP has their hands tied, but it seems so blindingly obvious to me that he's not dealing with the cause, more just a symptom (ie exhaustion) and am annoyed that nobody seems to be telling him he needs more help - am scared to myself incase he backs away from me. Though maybe I should take that risk.

• alypaly, the worry I have is that you're right - he hasn't hit rockbottom yet, but if he doesn't face up to being lost he will and it's not too far away. He confided in me yesterday that just writing two or three Christmas cards has him trembling and exhausted, yet he reckons he might go back to work - to same v.pressurised job - in the New Year.
• good question as to the cause - personally I don't think it is just the job - that's simply the thing that's pushed him over the edge and it's useful for him to hang it all on that. But he's always been very repressed in terms of talking about emotions, so it's a shell that's hard to dent. Am at a loss really, other than calling, listening and gently trying to persuade him to get more help I'm not sure what else I can do. Hard to watch though. Thanks for advice. Much appreciated.

smee ,thats exactly how i was before i cracked up... i trembled even when i was making a cup of tea and i couldnt work out whether to put the milk ,tea or sugar in the cup, first. My brain was just like a computer on overload and i couldnt cope with the simplest of things without shaking and panicking. Normally its an accumulation of things that makes you crack,but they all have a similar link.The last thing is normally the straw that breaks the camels back,but it isnt normally the sole cause.

if he is shaking,he is almost at rock bottom....keep a close eye on him as he is now in a difficult place. Try and get him to express some emotion,whether its tears,anger whatever...as long as its an emotion it will help.

Thanks alypaly - just caught up with this after Christmas. My parents saw him over the break and say he's seen a couple of counsellors, so that can only be good as up to now he's been saying he doesn't need that. I think you're right about showing emotion. He's never been good about that. So hard to help with when I'm not close. I will try though.