Feel really alone at the moment, where have all my friends disappeared to?

[BooHooo]

The last year has been very tough. DD has been really poorly and hospitalised twice, and we have to work super hard to keep her immunity up as it is one infection after another. she is being referred for "tests" in the new year.

She is at pre-school but has had so many absences. In this weather I end up keeping her in a lot and entertaining her myself or with my Mum who lives near and is a massive support. We have watched so much TV lately and I feel unbeleiveably shitty about this as it's just not me to be like this but I really have had no choice. Her colds turn into wheezing infections and it just freaks me out when she has trouble breathing.

My old friends have drifted away. I understand that to a point but it would be so nice for someone to actually care, or call me to see how I am or suggest meeting up. I have a nice network of Mum friends but we are not especially "close", my BF moved away and I see her much less. DD has been so ill lately I cancel so many things I look forward to. I am on the surface really happy and sociable I never discuss my problems as I don't want to come across as some kind of misery guts. but it leaves me v lonely to have no one to talk to.

I just want things to improve, for DD to start participating. She is such a happy bright kid she must be so bored stuck at home all the time.

What a self-indulgent post. I don't know if anyone can help at all, some positive words would be nice, from anyone who has experienced similar times.

That sounds rubbish, poor you, and do go ahead with the self indulgent posting!

I think it is ironic that when I was ill my friends drifted away, and when I needed them least they all came back. It has made me try really hard now to be a better friend myself, rather than looking inward, and to try really hard to keep up with my friends even when my own life has lots going on. You say it would be nice if someone called you to see how you are or to suggest meeting up. Maybe one of your friends is feeling just the same and waiting for your call? Could you get in touch with even one person a day for a week, via email or phone or whatever- and see what comes of it. Now is the time of year to do it- you have a tailor made excuse.

Thank you for your response - you are right I will use it as an opportunity to do something positive for the friends that mean something.

I have just had a shitty year I think...

i feel the same as you boohoo. i lost all my friends when ex partner and i split up. They all sided with him even though he did the dirty on me. i have never managed to establish a close friend or even any aquaintances. all i have a people i play badmitnon with.
i would love to have a lady friend for chats ,coffees,days out and a good laugh. i can go weeks without the phone ringing ,and sometimes i wonder if any one cares at all.

I don't know if this may help but if you want people around you, you need to be the one who organise the things.

My marriage ended a few years ago, obviously, as a single mum, I have very few days when DS is not with me. I have no family around, and considering DS' health... not a soul that I could ask to baby sit.

What I do is the following:

• Arrange to meet with other mums while DS is in school.

• For faraway friends, we organise coffee mornings (again, when children are at school, or even after bed time) where we talk over a coffee on the phone (I book the time off for this, I just sit by the phone with my coffee and spend a good hour doing anything and catching up with things. It works fantastically well and has kept my friendships fresh and well maintained despite the fact that I moved "abroad" more than a decade ago).

-You may have some friends who have no children and who can meet at night. I have a cake-and-coffee/bring-what-you-want evening with them every week. I just ask them to arrive at 8.00 when DS is already sleeping. Sometimes we talk. sometimes we watch a movie and now people are suggesting for this to become a reading "club".

-For weekends, when we can't go out, I invite friends with children so DS can play and I can have some adult conversation.

Obviously, you may need to cancel some things if DD is unwell, but when you are in regular contact with your friends, they get to know the problems you are facing and they understand that you may need to cancel at short notice.

It may have been a bad year but you can make it better. Honest!

Hi Boohoo,

Well, Mongolia had some good suggestions.

Do you believe in Angles? Maybe you could pray daily and ask them to help you notice the right people to form friendships with. Out with the old! and in with the new! Isn't that what they say?

Maybe a therapist could offer you support at this lonely time? Maybe?

I hope you meet some quality people soon. Lots of love. hugs