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Mental health

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Original poster

red mist when feeding 15mo dd pls help

10 replies

titferbrains · 16/12/2009 18:48

I keep losing my temper with dd - she is very young I know - she is difficult to feed, doesn't like taking things from spoon but is fussy about what she'll eat herself. I have just lost it at her and screamed at the top of my lungs - which is pretty loud- and scared her and left her crying while I tried to calm down in another room. I came back in and shouted at her again for crying, and then put her on the floor and have ignored her since.

I get so angry. Have got mild depression, am supposed to see someone at beginning of Jan for an assessment re: counselling but I need some help with managing my temper till then.

I really hate feeding her but have no-one else to do it as DH works all day and don't have any confirmed childcare till next year.

I feel very guilty for getting angry at my dd as she's so young but I cannot tell you how frustrating it is to feed her.

OP posts:

coldtits · 16/12/2009 18:51

Don't feed her any more. Don't put her in the highchair again. Put some food on a plate, on a mat on the floor, plonk her down and read a magazine. take the plate away after 30 minutes, whether she has eaten it or not.

It is only food and is not worth this utter misery, both for you and her.

I'm sure I don't need to tell you that you will now be lucky if you get her back into her chair without getting frightened and completely losing it.

HuwEdwards · 16/12/2009 18:52

I think you need to speak to a health visitor or your doctor.

She really is very young to be on the receiving end of your rage - especially over something like feeding.

Original poster

titferbrains · 16/12/2009 18:55

thanks for replying.

will take her off to bed now and hope she doesn't hate me forever.

Feeding a child is the most frustrating thing on earth, how can you be a mother and have no comprehension of if a child is full or not. How do they f-ing survive on peas tomatoes and bread? I am just tired of thinking about her meals, never mind giving them to her.

Better go she wants her milk now.

OP posts:

Original poster

titferbrains · 16/12/2009 18:57

As I said before I've spoken to my doctor and am waiting to see someone. Have absolutely no respect or trust of HVs so wouldn't speak to them, they have never helped me in any way.

OP posts:

winnybella · 16/12/2009 18:58

I second coldtits.
She will not starve.
It's easy to lose temper, especially if you're feeling depressed, but maybe it would help to identify the situations when you're likely to do it and then think how you can make them easier on both of you. Or count to ten.She is too little to be screamed at.
Save that for when she's a teenager.

HuwEdwards · 16/12/2009 18:58

course she won't hate you forever, but I do think you need to talk this through with someone who can help in RL.

And they can survive on the weirdest and most miniscule diet, really.

HuwEdwards · 16/12/2009 18:59

Winny 9, the sreaming starts when they're 9

coldtits · 16/12/2009 19:00

I have no comprehansion of whether my children are full or not. And I don't care either.

It's my responsibility to provide the food - it's not my responsibility to eat it for them. From the moment they are born, a child is responsible for it's own stomach.

If she's not eating, it's because she's had enough to eat. It is as simple as that.

MrsSnoops · 16/12/2009 19:01

I have got this angry over food and it is not right, but it just pushes your buttons doesn't it?
Would it maybe help having a trial week? Just give her food and leave her to it and maybe write down all she eats over that week and you may see she eats more than you think.
She knows how hungry she is, not you. She knows when she is full. But don't forget that if you are finding food this stressful she is too.
Just give yourself one week of being chilled Mother and see how you and she feels.

madmouse · 16/12/2009 19:25

whatever age we are, our stomachs are the size of our clenched fist. Maybe that will help you see how little she needs.

But feeding can be so hard - especially when you have a total shrimp, my ds is 20lb at 21 months, paed is happy, he's just small and that's not unusual, so is dh plus he has some cerebral palsy which can keep kids on the small side.

I remember the day he turned 18months. I turned to dh and said in all seriousness 'I haven't managed to kill him yet' with huge relief in my voice. DH p*ssed himself laughing but I really felt like that. It was a watershed moment for me.

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