20yr old dd with attachment disorder and personality disorder

[hetherine]

I'm stuck and don't know what to do, Xmas on the doorstep and face yet another Xmas with DD being manipulating and talking about herself constantly. also constantly moans about her support workers and says that everybody is looking/picking on her (which isn't true. is verbally abusive/threating towards me. and as much as i love her I'm struggling to say yes to her request to spend christmas day with me and dp.
our relationship with DD is sporadic at best and she's never satisfied with any help/support/advice that we or anyone else has attempted to give.
we have asked her support workers about family couselling but they will only refer us if Dd approaches them with that request. when I've suggested f/couselling to DD she agrees that its a good idea and tells me that shes asked her support workers about it
which I find out is not true when I speak to ther s/workers.
she constantly lies and I never know what to believe. and as for clear boundaries well yes we have them but she continually oversteps them which either leaves me to hang up on her or asking to to leave the house. both of which lead to a tirade of disgusting hurtful abuse. please help

My heart goes out to you. My older brother 'deteriorated' into schizophrenia at about 17 (although wasn't diagnosed till 24). I'm not suggesting that your daughter has that condition but am expressing sympathy.

My brother 'fought' his illness for years but the older he has got (now nearly 40) the calmer and more in control he got. He has been an absolute delight since he was in late twenties. I think it takes some time of living with an illness, as an adult, for the adult to understand their own illness and take care of themselves. He used to blame everyone, aggressive, start rows, steal things etc - he hasn't done that for years!!!

Just trying to give you some hope. He was really angry in his twenties - he could see his school friends drifting off - he was also very scared. We all were. I think he was probably affected by our feeling too.

It took him some time to let go and accept his illness. Also, finding the right medication, the right place to live (therapeutic community). I love him to death - and I can't believe how different life is now. He was a total suicidal nightmare from 17 - 24. We were all so desperate. No magic wand happened - just time, growing up, experience. My mum worked hard and fought hard to make sure he got the support he needed. he has had his diagnosis constantly reviewed in his twenties.