Anxiety attacks & breastfeeding

[SellotapeSucker]

This isn't right, is it...

I was wrapping a pressie at about 2pm and using my teeth to cut the sellotape. I thought I had inhaled a tiny bit (I'm talking about 4mm square here), and had a massive anxiety attack.

All because the thought popped into my head that I might have to go to casualty and they would take me in for the night and I wouldn't be able to breastfeed my 4 months DD. I had to phone DH and ask him to step out of work to pick my eldest up from school because I was a jelly. I have had a small attack happening every 3 days or so for the last month, but this is the first to really make my knees knock to the extent that I had to ask DH to step in.

I have had them on and off for about 10 years, usually around choking fears. Have done lots of work on this with a psychotherapist and I know what the root of it is, but knowing doesn't necessarily cure - just means I can reason gently with myself and breathe through it - most of the time. Always worse this time of year when it's dark by 4pm.

Citalopram helped me once and I'm just wondering if I would need to stop bfing if I went back on it?

Any advice welcome

I was put on Citalopram while bf'ing

Studies have shown it is relatively safe, and baby levels are minute

Go and talk to a professional and chat about it with someone you trust

Wishing you all the very best, {{hug}}

Thank you Scrooge

I have had another 2 this morning after a very difficult and sleepless night.

DH seemed positively perky when I said I was considering going back on the Citalopram and it's really upset me - he's so supportive, but I have such a lot of shame over this - I was raised with a lot of criticism and mocking of any weaknesses, which means I can't go to my family about this. I am dreading Christmas fortnight and trying to keep them all off the scent; I did mention PND last time I had it some years back and they were like a load of vultures, blaming every little incident in the family history on my mental health, it was heartbreaking. I wish I could just admit that I am struggling and get some support from them, but I know from experience that I have to hide it for my own wellbeing, and that is very hard. Several people in my birth family are depressed and have drink/substance abuse issues, but refuse to see it or seek help - yet I'm seen as the weak one for waving the white flag, it makes me so upset.

I also promised myself last time though that I wouldn't wait months and months to get help and that I wouldn't feel ashamed of myself - the reality is somewhat different

I am so terrified of being told to give up breastfeeding though, as although tiring it brings me and the baby such a lot of pleasure and it's one of the few things I can feel proud about at the moment.

Anyway I've phoned my GP but the lunchtime answerphone is on. Just need to hold my courage and ring again in an hour.

This will be the 3rd time I've sought help for depression, will that make any difference? do I qualify for some sort of prize ?

You are not alone in dreading Christmas.

You are doing really, really well. No-one sensible is going to recommend you stop bf. It is doing you rbaby so much good. Well done you on getting to 4 months

Do you have a nice HV you could chat to if you can't reach your GP?

Christmas can be such a weird time of year. We all seem to have such expectations that are so hard to live up to. YOU are not in anyway a second class citizen as you imply from your post because you have anxiety attacks. Everyone of us would given a certain trigger. SO you are intelligent and a sensible Mum who has found a solution to a problem. Sod the rest of them if they have not got it together to get help yet don't take any advice from them.

Do talk to a HV or your GP it sounds as if you know yourself better than anyone so have confidence in your ability to know what is best for you.

Loads of un MN hugs. I think you are a star!

Thankyou dinamum and ScroogeMacDog for helping out at a difficult time. Thought I'd return with an update.

Well I decided to wait a few days to see if it was actually Christmas pressure that was triggering things off. We had a fairly low-key one, with plenty of time alone as a family to relax, but still the anxiety attacks came thick & fast. By this weekend I was having about 5 a day over things like bolting upstairs because I thought I'd left some bleach open on a low shelf (I hadn't), or throwing out a perfectly good tin of soup because I'd got it into my head that a sliver of metal fell in when I pulled the ring pull. All the time I was able to talk myself down eventually, but it was taking up a lot of my day and what with breastfeeding around the clock and us all having colds, I was struggling.

Saw my GP today, absolutely smashing and very reassuring. We talked over a few options and settled on 10mg Citalopram and fortnightly appointments to see how I'm getting on. It is fine to carry on breastfeeding.

I'm immensely relieved and looking forward to feeling a lot better very soon.