at rock bottom and thinking of suicide again, need a virtual slap

[agingoth]

Some posters know my rather grim story, I can't go into details as have been recognized.

I've hit rock bottom again and can't stop crying. I feel like such a shit person, why didn't I just keep my marriage together, keep it going for the kids. At least then I would have had them and a job.

The loss of my job is torturing me, it was far more than a job to me. I feel so utterly alone here in London. i have made so many mistakes, and how to move on.

I am not going to kill myself because I know the kids need me but apart from them what future do I have....

I recently ended an unsuitable casual relationship and it seems to have been the last straw. He was a total shit but was literally all I had, I ended up demeaning myself just to stay 'friends' with him and now he has sent me a load of abuse. I just want to die.

So sorry all for this self pity, I just need to get it out. Think I should call the Samaritans

Please call the Samaritans, I'm sorry that you are feeling so low. I don't know your story, but you seem to need someone to offload to desperately.

I don't know your story either, but all things do pass. You won't feel like this forever. Slowly but surely you will gain control again.

It's okay to be this down, and ok to feel good again.
It's a beautiful day btw wrap up warm and go for a walk, have a nice coffee somewhere

thankyou mrsruffallo...got an important interview to prepare for, was up til 2 am working on it so that is probalby not helping too much....

thinking of going out yes but I'm literally sobbing and snotting all over the place, my face has swollen up like a red balloon. Lmao.

I live in London and I find it hard on days like this to be out when I'm in a state like this- so many people who all look at you like you're just the latest malfunctioning freak. Once I did have a nice old lady offer me a tissue in a church cafe once though [smily]

Oh yes, sleep, sleep,sleep.
It is so important to your wellbeing!
Have an early night tonight my dear

You do not need a slap, you need a hug!
Depression is not something to be dismissed. Are you getting help?

I know your story. I think you are a fighter and will get there. I bet (hope) he is feeling equally shit.

He also had a role to play - don't beat yourself up over the marriage, if it was not meant to be, so be it.

You are doing so well, should imagine he never imagined your strength

Thinking of you.

Hi Getdown, yes I am getting help of a sort. The main problem is I'm a 'coper' on the surface, dont' think anyone really knows how desperate I get and how close to suicide at times. For instance I have been working my arse off for weeks now and as soon as the holidays kick in I've got an interview and then immediately have to move all my belongings out of my old flat...I know boo hoo self pity but it all weighs on me along with divorce and the end of my stupid 'relationship'.

Miu H seems to be absolutely fine!! I can't help beating myself up, it was me that wanted to leave originally, but what have I done in achieving that? fucked up everything else in my life and possibly the kids too...

I know, time to move on. I think the shock of how emotional I feel over the unsuitable twunt finally turning on me has to do with a lot of losses that have taken place this year of which he is the latest one. I

Stupidly I texted him today to apologise for splitting up in such a nasty negative way but he didn't reply thank god.